Linda Talley's Body Language Blog

South Carolina Presidential Debate

2012-01-26T05:17:00.000-08:00

I watched the debate and it doesn't surprise me that CNN would focus on the personal attacks and mudslinging of each candidate rather than the issues. What I did think was interesting was the body language of the candidates. Similar to the Iowa debate, at the beginning of the program, all candidates stood with their arms at their sides. There were no "fig leaf" postures and what a relief that our eyes didn't have to travel from the candidates faces to their lower extremities! Also, no one had their hands in their pockets which would also have caused our eyes to travel south. Someone's hand or hands in his pockets makes you wonder what he is hiding. Although the candidates started out strong in this posture, Romney succombed as he was soon putting his left hand into his pocket as he responded to attacks from other candidates. Was he hiding something? Or was it uncertainty -- perhaps nerves at play and this was his body's emotional response to the aggression. Although Romney used authority hands, at times, it was the left hand in the pocket that gave his true feelings away.
Gingrich's red tie, although popular as a status symbol, was out of place on a debate because the eye went to the tie rather than staying on Gingrich's face. Perhaps this was the strategy; however, the most expressive part of the body is the face and if I were up on stage, I would want the audience looking at my face rather than my tie.
Paul has been finger pointing throughout the entire campaign. I felt poked in the eye again and again as he used his index finger to make a point. I am surprised his handlers haven't broken him of this habit.
Santorum used his hands in a community gesture which impelled me to lean forward as he was talking. He drew me into his response as he had no distractions and no leakage of defensive body language.
I felt uncomfortable with Romney, Gingrich and Paul because of their body language. If I felt this way, I think subconsciously, that others did too. If one of these candidates wants to win, they must use their body language to complement their verbal message. Otherwise, they send a mixed message which is unsettling to viewers.

Subconsciously You Know Body Language!

2012-01-12T13:17:00.000-08:00

We all read other people's body language--some just do it better than others. In fact, women are better decoders of body language but research by Burgoon and others has shown that they don't tend to act on their perceptions.
It's interesting how nonverbal communication plays out in our thoughts and actions. I received a Christmas card from Dave Bamberg, the Talleytoon cartoon creator (http://www.lindatalley.com/talley-toons/) and it was one of his Christmas cartoons. It was interesting to see how he had put Santa in a confrontational and authority position in the cartoon. I wonder if he thought about this as he was drawing the cartoon.
Santa is sitting directly across the table from 2 of his reindeer which is a confrontational position. Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. Can you guess who?
Santa is sitting in a high back chair, a status and power symbol. The chair has rollers on it--another high status and power symbol.
Santa is leaning forward and the admonished reindeer are leaning back.
It doesn't take much to read the nonverbal communication of this comical portrayal of the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer song.
Would Santa want to be seen in this position? Is Santa confrontational? Or is Santa simply using his nonverbal communication and power/status symbols to lead his team so they will lead his sleigh on Christmas Eve?
Dave takes the song to a new level by integrating every day business communication tactics with Christmas fantasy to come up with something that happens every day in business. People with power and people with little power will always be at odds. Thanks Dave for reminding us in a good natured way by using subtle body language in a Christmas card.

You Can't See Me!

2011-12-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

A picture is worth a thousand words and Tom and Katie are sending a message loud and clear! They want to be invisible--maybe one more than the other. There's no eye contact with the photographer which says "Since I can't see you, you don't see me!" Tom has his left hand in his pocket which makes one wonder what he's hiding. He's holding Katie's hand with his hand forward which indicates who is in control which is natural as he's attempting to lead his lady past the press. He's not making eye contact because he doesn't want to be seen--he wants to remain invisible. He has a limited smile but it's not sincere. He' s saying "I'll give you a smile but it's not sincere."
Katie is interesting. She too is not making eye contact and her smile is not real. Who would want to give a genuine smile when someone is bugging the heck out of you? What's interesting is her purse hanging in front of her as a barrier. In order to get to Katie, you have to go through her purse. And what's even more interesting is that her right hand is in an open position rather than clutching the purse. In a way, Katie likes the attention and wants to be photographed but has a celebrity reputation to uphold.

Because I Read Body Language & You Do Too!

2011-12-09T12:27:00.000-08:00

I flew back from Seattle last week and I had the isle seat and the man next me needed to get up and use the facilities. He didn't say a word but I knew because I read his body language. I watched him close his book; begin shifting around in his seat; look at me out of the corner of his eye; and shift his shoulders. I had to laugh internally as he could just as easily have said, "I need to get out" and I would have let him.

But you see, we notice another person's nonverbal communication before we notice the verbal and people tend to use nonverbal communication before they use verbal, as this man did. It really is a more effective way to communicate.

How many times do you read another person's body language and respond to that before the person says a word? My dog, Jackson, is really good about using his body language when he wants to go out. He sits right in front of me if I am on the sofa on right next to me if I am working at my desk and stares his beautiful blue eyes up at me till I respond and get up and let him out. I know what he wants! And, we know what people want when they send us nonverbal messages. People are just as smart as dogs when it comes to using nonverbal communication. It's the people who are viewing another person's nonverbal communication that might have difficulty interpreting it or even wanting to interpret it.

When my cat, Jackie, wants me to get up in the morning, she doesn't say a word. She sits right next to my pillow and watches me. She doesn't even have to purrrrrr--I can feel her presence and if I even open one eye to see if she's there, game goes to Jackie!

We all respond to nonverbal communication. Don't kid yourself into thinking that you don't. You do! Just ask your dog or cat.

The Millenaissance.com

2011-11-30T08:22:00.001-08:00

Information, back in the 15th and 16th century, was hoarded. However, with the printing of the Guttenberg Bible, everything changed. Sound familiar? History does repeat itself. We are going through a millenaissance of our own. With the advent of the internet, information is readily available to anyone who can connect. To further the spread of information, to connect with peers and mentors, Dave Bamberg, the artist who creates the cartoons for the TalleyToons, has registered the Millenaissance.com and is creating a web site for creative people to connect globally. This web site will provide a way for those interested in connecting with others of like interest, motivation and innovation to create synergy, new information and products or services. The web site will be focused towards the creative and innovative individual or group who desires to share their ideas and work with those in their global community. If you are interested in participating, expressing your creativity to the world, call Dave at 713-724-7519 or email him at dave@davidbamberg.com. Stay tuned for more information.

Condescending Attitude

2011-11-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

You can spot a condescending attitude a mile away! Not only can you recognize it in someone else but when it's directed at you--you can feel belittled and then defensive. Who wouldn't?
The problem is many people don't even know they are doing it--probably because they have been doing it for so long, it's become a habit for them. For others, they may not have been trained in social skills--empathy being one of them.
I was delivering some papers to a person who was seated at her desk. I said, "excuse me, I have these papers for you" and this person momentarily looked up and then looked back at what she was working on.
The hairs on my neck began to rise and I could feel my pulse increase. I said, "excuse me" with a little more intention and a lowered tone and she put her palm out to receive the papers. She did this without looking up.
This really made me mad. I could feel my blood pressure rising! But then I caught myself. I immediately re-evaluated the situation and said to myself:
"Just because she is being rude and condescending doesn't mean I have to play at her level."
I chose differently. I turned around to leave and wished her a good day. I caught her out of the corner of my eye as she looked up in shock that she wasn't able to suck me into her game.
I don't feel sorry for people like this. I feel sorry for the people who have to put up with her. I feel sorry for the organization that is being held hostage by her. I feel sorry for her family and friends who might see the good in her but only experience the bad/condescending behavior.
She has a bias and I won't attempt to change it; I will attempt to give her as much grief as I can by wishing her well and sending her silent prayers. To me, this is the best payback.

What Your Picture Says

2011-10-28T05:35:00.000-07:00

I spoke at a conference recently and as I walked to the meeting room, my client, whom I had never met, recognized me and introduced herself. She told me that I looked just like my picture on my web site. I have heard from other clients that when they hire a speaker and the speaker shows up, the picture on the web site or on the brochure is quite different from the real person. I have several pictures of me on my web site which were taken within the last 2 years and I use one of these pictures on my linkedin, twitter and facebook pages.

How many people do you know who use an old picture that does not truly represent their current image? I know of several people who have pictures posted on facebook, twitter, linkedin that must have been taken years and years ago. Are they attempting to keep the younger version of themselves?

On facebook, some people have pictures with kids or spouse or dog. For a personal page, I like the personal aspect. If they are using the same picture on linkedin or twitter or a business page of facebook, I wonder about them.

That being said, Alan Weiss, a very successful OD consultant and internationally known as the Million Dollar Consultant, has a picture of his dog and himself. This guy has made it in terms of money, name and fame. For people like Alan, I think they can do or use any picture they want. They have a brand--they are the brand. For the rest of us, on the way up or unknown in our field, we might want to stick to what makes the great first impression on the client. Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan has written an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about how to use your profile picture on social media sites as a way to distinguish yourself, make an impression with a client and reinforce the brand called you. I've included the link.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203388804576613561719372694.html?KEYWORDS=The+Art+of+Online+Portraiture

The Truth About Lies

2011-10-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

Research shows us that men and women lie equally. A study found that 60% of participants lied 2 to 3 times in a 10 minute period. A 2008 survey found that the average American lies 1.68 times/day. What's interesting about this statistic is that most of us claim that we don't tell lies. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, evolution has made us liars as a way to survive. Dr. Alan Hirsch noted that there is a "selective advantage" to the most successful liars.

Here are some "tells: to look for in liars:
1. The liar leans into his/her lie as a way to bring you in as an accomplice. I recently saw this happen when I overheard someone call another person over to them, lean closer and then told them an outright lie.
2. Liars use less contractions and more expansions such as could not or would not. The verbal emphasis is placed on the "not" as a way to convince you and themselves that this is not a lie.
3. Liars use many qualifiers such as "most of the time," "sometimes," "not necessarily." When you hear a lot of qualifiers, put your antennae up!
4. Liars try to block the lie. They might hold a hand over their mouth; they might speak with a glass or coffee mug in front of their mouth; they might even fidget with their lips in an effort to keep the lie from being verbalized.
5. Liars' bodies react to their lies. For instance, their throat gets scratchy; their lips get dry. They require more water to cleanse the throat or comfort the dry lips.
6. Liars stall for time to create the lie. They use more pauses such as "umns" or "ahs" so they take more time to tell the lie.

What you need to remember though--even though you have these "tells" you probably only have a 50/50 chance of telling if someone is telling a lie. Even those trained in this area such as the police only get it right 50% of the time. Don't beat yourself up--just watch more and become better at it!

The Boss Is Watching

2011-09-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who just told me about a major change at her workplace. It seems that on Monday, the CEO was on the job and on Tuesday, the CEO was gone and the former CEO and now Chairman of the Board was the new CEO. Some people remembered him from his previous days as CEO and it was interesting from her comments that most people were not looking forward to his new tenure. To me, it sounded like he was from the old school that believed that “I have to see you actually doing something in order for me to be certain that you are working and earning your money.”

Comments to my friend who is relatively new to this organization (3 years) indicated that you have to look busy when he passes by or else he will say something. Other comments were:
If you take any type of paper to the bathroom, you aren’t working.
If you are on the internet, you are not working—even if you are looking up a “patch” for a current software program you are working on at work.
No gathering and chatting as this is a waste of time.

This new CEO is focusing on what he sees, so he is a very visual person and speaks to an “older” mindset where as technology has changed our work functions and being busy no longer equates to looking busy. We are in the information and data age and this is not generated by physical activity.

Watching people’s action can tell you a lot about a person and if you are taking a newspaper to the bathroom, one would probably guess that not much work related activities will take place. So the newspaper is taken in context and a judgment call is made by the new CEO. However, there is no context for watching someone work on a computer and judging that work is not taking place. And how can one judge what is being said in a group without being in the group and/or eavesdropping on the group.

Watching people’s actions or behaviors is different from watching a person’s gestures because gestures convey emotion, feelings and intentions. This new CEO is watching people’s actions without eavesdropping on their feelings. If he did, he would be a much better judge of a person’s intent and action.

I would say again that he is old school. He is making a judgment or evaluation rather than observing what is really going on which is more of a control issue rather than support issue. If a worker does not feel supported, what sort of performance approach will s/he have? If a patch is needed, you can’t buy it from a store—it comes from the internet. If working on the internet is frowned upon, what will motivate the employee to find a fix ASAP or simply let productivity decline due to his/her perception of what the new CEO wants.

A leader’s job is to move people from where they are now to where they need to be and it takes an emotional connection with workers. By having a preconceived notion of things that employees are doing wrong can only hinder the growth of this organization. Hopefully there is a full blown search going on for a new CEO more aligned with contemporary motivation theory.

I'm Out of Style

2011-09-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

I visited my dentist's office yesterday as I had broken a tooth. What I noticed, besides the great care I received, was the length of the scrubs that the 2 assistants were wearing--all bunched up around the ankles like I see many people (George Strait included) wearing. I will call this look "unhemmed." My first thought was that these were busy woman and didn't have time to hem their pants. Then I thought it was a generational thing. Then I thought, why bother, no one looks at your feet. Then I thought, well, I did!
So, if it's a fashion statement of unhemmed scrubs, what does it mean? Is it only a statement in the dental office? It's been quite some time since I visited my general practitioner and her assistant, but I remember they wore scrubs that were hemmed or at least what I judged to be an appropriate length. Are dental office staff busier than medical office staff and therefore don't have time to hem their scrubs?
I have also seen office staff with unhemmed pants legs and these included both men and women.
The major difference that I notice about workers is that it is usually the younger workers who wear the unhemmed pants. I guess people of my generation (Baby Boomers) grew up with the idea of only wearing correctly hemmed pants. Even today, I would never think of going out of the house with unhemmed pants. Even my jeans are hemmed--I don't care what George wears!
So, I am still back to my original question: is it a fashion statement? Is it a generational thing? Is it laziness? Or is it "I just don't care"?

Why Sit Behind a Desk?

2011-09-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

So many people meet prospective employees, visitors and sales representatives while sitting behind a desk. We see this all the time in movies and on TV but does that make it right? Well, it depends on what you want to accomplish.
Sitting behind a desk maintains a distance and a barrier between you and the other person. For some situations, this might be appropriate, for others, possibly not. When you have a barrier between you and another person, it's difficult to form a relationship.
For the person using a big desk, it can act as a barrier, an intimidator or as a power play. Perhaps you are just going through the motions of interviewing, a big desk helps you keep your distance. Perhaps you don't like your sales rep but want to hear about a new product--this keeps the relationship at a distance. Perhaps you want to make certain that an employee knows who's boss! The big desk helps get the message across.
But. . . .. . . . . . . what about the person you do want to get to know? What about the prospective employee that will fill a critical position in your organization? What about the sales professional that has solved numerous problems for your company? What about a key employee that just saved your company a large amount of money? Is the big desk what you want them to remember from your conversation?
OK, you don't want to get rid of the big desk. No problem, get a small round table with chairs and have your face to face conversations there so there are no barriers between you and the other person. No room in your office? What about a conference room? No conference room? How about a sitting area with sofas and chairs.
The key for effective relationship building is to eliminate barriers. When you eliminate barriers, you can move closer to the person in order to create results.
Another reason to move away from the big desk--you can see a person's lower body language. Most people today have learned to control their upper body language but not the lower. When you don't have the big desk obstructing your view, you can look for signs of deception and can see the shifting feet, the nervous hands, the fidgeting foot. All critical pieces of communication that you would miss with the big desk.

Tailgating Make You Feel Better?

2011-08-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

When I lived in Houston, being tailgated on the freeways was not unusual. Now I live out in the sticks and I was surprised when someone tailgated me this week. As I viewed them in my rear view mirror, I could see he was upset, wanted me to speed up but I was doing the speed limit and our little road has been known to have officers catching speeders. At my age, it's just easier to go the speed limit. I doubt I could talk my way out of a ticket--if that's possible.
As I watched the road ahead of me and occasionally looked back to my tailgater, his facial expression kept getting worse and worse. I wonder how many people realize how many nonverbal messages they send out? Well, his concerned me as he was right on my tail with an angry look and a scowl on his face so I began to slow down to think about pulling into a gas station and letting him move ahead. What was interesting was what happened next. Just as I spotted the gas station ahead, a car pulled right out in front of me from a strip mall center and I had to slam on my breaks. Thank goodness that the tailgater was paying attention because he didn't hit me but I could hear his tires screeching behind me.
As the other car peeled out in front of us, I slowly accelerated and noticed that this time, the man in back of me gave me plenty of room and the tailgating had stopped. I maintained the speed limit and kept on to my destination. The man stayed at a safe distance from my car and I felt much better about the trip. Because of his distance, I couldn't see his facial expressions anymore so I don't know if he was still mad. Perhaps he was just grateful that he hadn't plowed into my car because of his tailgating. Thank goodness he didn't need to learn that lesson with me.
Now, you would think that the story would end there but it doesn't. A few days later, I was late to a meeting about 45 minutes from my house and I got behind someone who was going slower than the speed limit and guess what I was doing? You're right--tailgating. I could feel myself getting irritated and then the memory of that man tailgating me and how uncomfortable I felt came flooding back to me. I backed off and was grateful for the other encounter to remind me of my safety as well as the safety of the other person. I made it to my meeting on time and I hope the other driver got to his/her destination safely as well. My emotions told me that I was angry over the slow driver. A look in the mirror told me that my body was expressing that anger through my facial expressions and through the white knuckle grip I had on the steering wheel. I'm glad I'm listening to and watching my nonverbal messages from me to me. They are quite revealing.

Customer Care Is Not Dead

2011-07-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

We are having a birthday party for a friend and I went to pick up the cake at my local grocery store. I also bought him a card. After I had finished checking out, the register clerk said, "Hope you have fun at the birthday party."
I was shocked--in a good way. I rarely get a smile or hello from the clerks and this one noticed me, my cake and card and made a comment. All of a sudden I became a human being to this person.
It feels so good to be seen, to be visible by another human being. We love the feeling of being visible and just a few words from this woman made my day.
Wouldn't it be great if everyone did that instead of treating the shopper like the enemy? Sales associates appear to dislike making eye contact or speaking to a shopper yet it's the emotional feelings that a shopper has that makes him or her purchase more. They justify those purchases later with logic.
I was glad to see that one person in this store saw me as a person. It felt good!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2011-06-12T05:48:00.001-07:00

I have a friend, Bob, who is a disabled Vietnam vet who is the most generous man in the world. Here is a man who was wounded in action protecting our rights, who was shunned on his arrival home because of his military service but who has given so much back to so many people. As a commercial airline pilot, he probably flew me around many times, I just didn't know that our paths would cross again. I got to know Bob as we would pass in the evening on our evening walks with our dogs.

When I pass Bob and "the boys" in the evening, I seek advice from him regarding household projects. He will listen to my ideas, shake his head always say, "I can help you with that!" And, help he does. He's a miracle worker for fixing/creating anything. Not only does he help his neighbors but he helps so many people in the community. For example, he is helping a minister build apartments for the homeless. No compensation. He is helping another minister build a new church. No compensation. Whenever he helps me out, no charge. I'm used to having to pay for everything and this is such a gift to me.

Recently my sister gave me a pelican and I wanted to place it on top of my mailbox. The neighbor next door had done this and I admired the look. They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I had talked to the neighbor about how he had attached his pelican and I was prepared. I was talking to Bob about this project and he told me that my methodology wouldn't work (brick mailbox vs. stucco mailbox). As he explained, I saw his point. He came over and we (really he) devised a plan for attachment. He created a template for the base, poured the mortar, set the pelican, poured more mortar and I have an incredible pelican on top of my mailbox.

Every time I look at my mailbox now and see that pelican, I am so proud, so happy and it was a wonderful gift from my sister and from Bob.

This man is softly spoken but has such a big heart. He doesn't have to say much because his actions speak so loudly. I respect Bob not only for heroic past but for his work ethic, high professional standards and his friendship. Some people try to tell you how great they are and it never works. Bob just goes about his business of helping people and says few words but brings joy to so many people. I think the tacit knowledge around the neighborhood is that when you can't do/fix something, "call Bob, he'll know what to do." God Bless You Bob! And, Thanks!

Alone in a crowd

2011-05-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day Weekend and lots of parties going on where I live. It's interesting to watch who feels included and who doesn't. It's also interesting to see how people attempt to include others. A neighbor had a backyard party and I noticed one woman who did not feel included. She didn't sit with the others and sat or stood off by herself. A couple of times, I saw the mother of this woman go over and talk to her but she still did not join in. She was a quiet woman with a young son and you could see her looks of disdain for some of the others in attendance. As I observed, I got the feeling that she felt some of the other guests were interlopers and they probably were. Her body language spoke to the fact that she wanted to be left alone and not interact with the others. Her arms were crossed over her chest; she didn't make eye contact and only looked to "shoot daggers" at the interlopers. The only person she talked to was her mother and son. As I observed this, I thought how sad. Here she was all alone in a crowd. It happens to all of us at one time or another and usually there's nothing anyone can do to help us. Our body language screams at others to stay away and they do when what we really need is for someone to move closer. Words don't say how we really feel but our body always will.

Desk Mess

2011-05-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

You probably know that your desk is a mess but what do others think of your messy desk? As I walk through a client's office, one thing I notice are desks and also the neatness or messy-ness of the desk. When I see a neat desk, I then look at the person sitting at that desk to see if the person confirms what I suspect about him/her. Are they neat, attractive, well attired, well groomed? I am more apt to approach someone at a neat desk than someone at a messy desk. When someone has a tidy desk, we perceive them as sincere, intelligent, ambitious, warm and calm easy to be around.

We have all the seen the Professor with papers stacked a mile high in his/her office and they assure us they know where everything is but what is our perception of the messy Professor? What a mess! Yet a messy desk works for some people. The problem with messy desks is that we make judgment calls about the person and his/her messy desk. When we see that they have a messy desk, we perceive them to be less sincere, intelligent, ambitious, warm and caring. This may or may not be true but remember, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

I wish I could tell you that I keep my desk clean and neat at all times but that simply wouldn't be true. I have a lot of stuff on my desk that I use daily: computer, glass of water, calculator, scotch tape dispenser, phone, headset, printer and dayplanner. When the mess gets too much, I simply have to stop and clean some stuff up. For instance, after I get the mail, I open it and toss it, put a bill in a pile to be paid or file it. I then pay all the bills because I don't want those messing up my desk and it is an easy task to pay the bills and put them in the tickler file to mailed on the appropriate day.

When I get my desk cleaned up, I feel much better and it seems to motivate me to do more. I like to see wood instead of papers.

Yes, Virginia, Customer Service Is Dead!

2011-04-12T10:37:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how dead customer service really is. I've tried calling the billing department of a healthcare provider yesterday and today and sat on the phone for 15 minutes before finally hanging up. The computer voice told me to have all this information ready to aid the person who I would speak with to resolve this issue. Unfortunately, no one ever answered in 30 minutes.

And it's not just healthcare whom many believe are overburdened. I tried to buy a new cell phone last week from my AT&T store in Conroe, TX. I arrived around 9:30am on a Friday morning, had to sign in on their computer and stood in line for 5 minutes before one of the customers there, who was first in line, told me that it might be a long wait. He was going on a cruise and needed something changed on his phone and told me he had been there 35 minutes while one sales person helped one person buy a phone. I asked the sales person if there was another sales associate and he said he was in the back doing inventory that had to be done before he could come onto the floor. Well, 5 minutes more and now the line was up to nine. BTW, I was #7. I started doing some calculations in my head and figured that if even 2 people in front of me were going to buy a phone, as I was, I would be there for at least 2 hours before I was helped. That was a deal breaker. I left the store sorely disappointed in AT&T, the staff of this store and me for putting up with it.

Is AT&T so broke that it can't afford to staff their stores? Does AT&T not have policies in place to take care of customers or is the almighty dollar/inventory the first to get taken care of? If I am in the grocery store and the line gets longs, the person calls for help and another person arrives to check people out. If I am at the Post Office, the same thing happens. Maybe it's time for AT&T to revisit their customer service policies. When there's a line and it takes 1 sales person 45 minutes to sell a phone and 9 other people are waiting, there's a problem. Why couldn't he call for help and help arrive in order to serve the customers?

We might have to put up with that kind of service from our health care providers but why do we have to do it with a commodity such as cell phones? I didn't, I left. What would you have done?

He Sounds Like Santa Claus

2011-03-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have a neighbor who in the past has been surly in nature and behavior. He wasn't a nice person to be around because he would "snap" your head off with his words. Who knows where this behavior came from, what is important is that it changed. He says "hi", he waves and he laughs. I love to hear him laugh because it sounds like Santa Claus. So many of us in our business or personal world have challenges and upsets and people that drive us crazy so we forget to laugh. It's been said that children laugh 250 times per day and adults laugh 15 times per day. My neighbor is now changing that for himself. I love to hear his Santa Claus, deep belly laugh, wherever I am. I can be sitting outside on the deck and hear him laugh as he talks with friends in the front yard. I can even hear him when I am inside my house and he is outside on his deck. It's not intrusive, it makes me smile and it reminds me that I need to laugh more. I doubt that I will ever sound like Santa Claus but it's nice to have someone who laughs just like Santa Claus living next to me. It brings me cheer and reminds me that all of us need a little Christmas every day of the year. Merry Christmas in March!

Whine a Little, You'll Feel Better

2011-03-14T05:34:00.000-07:00

Whiners are all around us and you may be a whiner yourself on occasion. The problem is that most whiners don't know that they're whining but everyone around them does.

When you're whining, you are missing the present moment because you are focused on the past. Remember that the moment you are living in right now is a gift and that's why we call it the present. Stop whining and enjoy the gift.

Whiners complain and blame instead of taking action to change things or make them better. It's difficult to see what role you have played in the situation when you're playing the poor me game.

And, now for the really good part! People don't want to be around whiners! A whiner's strategy might be to whine to get some attention but it usually backfires. A whiner's body language says it all and people stay away when what the whiner really wants is for people to move closer. Whiners build resentment in the workplace because other workers view them as lazy, inactive and wanting someone else to do their job.

If you're a whiner, it might make you feel better but for your colleagues around you, it will create a barrier between you and them and it's a tough one to get around.

Hands Behind Your Back--What Does That Mean?

2011-02-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

When someone puts his/her hands behind their back, it could mean two things?
1. It's a sign of frustration/upset.
2. It's a sign of superiority, confidence and power (real or imagined).
You can use the second position to make yourself feel more confident in difficult situations and you can become aware of your body in the first position and move out of it to become more confident in difficult situations.

Many Professors like to stand with their hands behind their back (palm in palm) to show superiority. As many of you know, I am working on my PhD in organizational psychology. I encountered one Professor last week who stood during the class with his hands behind his back. He tried to be friendly and warm with his verbal communication, but his body language (hands behind back--palm in palm) gave away his true feelings towards the class.

People who are being interviewed by the media, a lawyer being chastised by a judge or are under verbal attack by a superior or perhaps even a customer/client might stand with their hands behind their back but one hand is grasping the other arm. This shows that they are trying to control their anger, frustration, upset. It's really a self control issue. Haven't you ever felt like slugging the jerk who is yelling at you? No need to do that!

If you want to move out of that feeling, place your hands in position #2, palm in palm and see how it changes your feelings about the situation. Bet you begin to feel more relaxed, self-confident and superior. Don't believe me? Try it.

5 Noverbal Cues You Need on the Job

2011-02-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

Nonverbal communication speaks louder than words and most of us know that so why don't we pay more attention to our nonverbal communication?

Particularly at work where we have such diversity in cultures and generations, mixed messages occur and then conflict happens. And, sometimes, it makes a big mess. If you want to eliminate some of these issues, start paying attention to your nonverbal messages and make certain they complement your verbal message.

To begin:
1. Eye contact. Until you really "see" someone, they remain invisible and ultimately will begin to feel invisible and/or isolated. Next time you walk into your office building, take a moment to make eye contact with everyone you meet and everyone on your staff--including those in the elevator.

2. A smile. A smile is a universally accepted form of acceptance, approval and validation. Nothing brings more inner cheer than to see someone genuinely smiling at you. Take the time to make eye contact and include a genuine smile.

3. Make contact. Take a moment to make a physical connection with other people in your office. This could be a handshake, a hug or a light touch on the hand (please be aware of sexual harassment issues here). When you shake someone's hand or give them a hug, you start the relationship out on the right note. So many times we get caught up in our busy day and forget to connect with the people that really matter to us. Remember to do the same thing with you spouse and kids and the dog and cat.

4. Use nonverbal immediacy to move closer to people instead of sending messages that put barriers between you and them. Crossed arms, crossed legs, no eye contact, fidgeting are all signals that you are not interested in a relationship.

5. Manage by walking around. Use the above nonverbal cues to connect and non-verbally empower others throughout the day as you get out of your office and walk around to gain "intel" on the business and the "state" of your staff. Good managers and leaders make this nonverbal and verbal practice a priority.

Remember: what you don't say means more than what you do say. Make certain that you nonverbal cues are saying what you want to say to the people around you.

What's It Mean?

2011-01-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

I attended a Chamber event earlier this week and while telling some folks that I read people's body language and teach this skill, they asked me to read their body language, and, of course, I agreed. One women was sitting with her legs crossed and her arms crossed under the table. She was not cold so that was not an issue. She was trying to hide her discomfort by hiding her crossed arms and legs under the table. When I mentioned this to her, she immediately uncrossed everything and then moved her hand into the "doubting Thomas" position (see photo). I thought that was an interesting move because she believed me enough to move out of one defensive position and into another. She assumed the "doubting Thomas" position and slightly turned away from me. She definitely had had enough of her body language read.

I have a friend who is a senior level executive of a large hospital system. When I first "busted" him for using this position, he denied it--said it was a habit. And, he was right. We form defensive positions as a way to comfort ourselves and then these become habits. We don't realize what we are doing but other people read our body language and then we wonder why there is a disconnect or misunderstanding. If it's not the verbal message, you can be sure it's the nonverbal message.

Take note of what you are doing with your hands. Are they saying what you want them to say?

If you liked this article I recommend you read ‘Nod Your Head, It Builds Trust’at LindaTalley.com

Work/Life Balance

2011-01-10T12:20:00.000-08:00

I learned some things in 2010 that I want to share with you. It was a challenging year for me just as it probably was for you. I have learned that life gets easier when you experience difficult times and you learn from them so you can take better actions or steps in the future. So here are the things I learned:
1. Regardless of what is happening in your life, you can be the leader. You may be hurting, you may be worried or stressed but you can still step up to the plate and be the leader. You make decisions about what's right or wrong and you stand by your decisions--even when no one else around you will. When you are the leader, your life is based on integrity and high standards and you can draw strength from the fact that many leaders before you have paved the way with their good deeds and also suffering.
2. You control the meaning you put on events in your life. Some may call what happened to you a mistake or tragedy, leaders call it an experience/lesson from which they learn and grow. You might be physically or emotionally bloodied but you choose how you view this--as part of the process or as a victim. It's your creative nature that allows you to choose and choosing the higher path always feels and works out better.
3. Sometimes you have to fight (emotionally, verbally) in order to do what's right. Bullies abound and they will attempt to attack anyone who appears weak. When you stand up to a bully, they back down and cry "poor me!" I have learned to have no pity for the wolf in sheep's clothing.
4. If I am not learning something new every day, I'm probably not growing emotionally and mentally. Going back to school to get my PhD was the smartest thing I have ever done, although there are days when I am swamped and wonder why the heck I wanted to do it. When that moment passes, and it does quickly, I remember why and how good it feels. I learned a lot last year and I hope to continue learning this year.
5. I learned how my talents can be applied even better to my life's work by taking on the "student" persona. With an ever questioning mind, new ideas appear that benefit my work and my life. Each day, I can see how my talents are being used to serve others and I am pleased.
The process of articulating my lessons from 2010 was a creative journey for me. Yes, it appears that I found the silver lining in all my dark clouds and that is what I was looking for. What have you discovered in your lessons?

Hand Wave-A Sign of Recognition & Validation

2010-12-28T06:12:00.000-08:00

I walk my dog in the mornings and enjoy waving to folks I know as they drive off in their car. We rarely stop to talk but a wave just seems like the right thing to do. Yes, there are some people I don't wave to if I don't recognize them from our neighborhood and there are some people I do wave to even if I don't recognize them from our neighborhood.

Waving at someone I know or don't know is about being kind and seeing the other person--even if I don't know them. I think we all want to be seen and recognized and acknowledged. If not, we don't feel connected. Think about the last time you went shopping and tried to get the attention of a sales associate. If you couldn't, you probably didn't feel connected and left the store in frustration.

Waving at someone I know feels good especially if they wave back! It's about them recognizing me and validating me with a hand wave back and vice versa. It's kind of like a smile. A smile is always a sign of validation but it's difficult to detect a smile on someone in a car and much easier to see the hand wave. When I can see the hand wave and the smile, I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside and remind myself that life is good and so are people.

When I'm walking in the morning, I like to start the day right and get connected with some neighbors. But whether it's a short talk or just a hand wave, it feels good and I'm all for starting my day off feeling good. And a hand wave does that for me.

Next time you see me out walking my dog, smile and wave and I'll do the same! That way we can both feel good and set the tone and attitude for the rest of the day.

MBWA: Manage By Walking Around

2010-12-13T13:23:00.000-08:00

As a manager, do you sit at your desk all day or are you out in the shop, on the telephone or with a customer putting out fires? If these activities are taking up your time, how are you making and maintaining the connection with your staff? Just because you hired them doesn't mean that the emotional connection will stay in place. Emotional connections, even at work, require work and attention. It's just like planting a seed. You need to feed and water the seed in order for it to grow and blossom. So too with each member of your staff.
Many times a manager/boss hires someone with the right experience/qualifications and then just lets them do their "thing." Doesn't work. It creates a sense of alienation and isolation on the part of the staff member. Management is really about staying connected in order to grow your staff and your business and you can do that by walking around.
Yes, manage by walking around.
Get up from your desk and visit your team members.Find our what's going on in their world. Move closer to them to sustain that emotional connection.
Keep in mind that your words and intentions must be congruent. For example, don't go into someone's office and say that you are interested in helping them and as you say this, you cross your arms over your chest.
Don't lean on the door jam of your staffer's office with your hands in your pocket and ask how you can help them be more effective.
Be genuine,smile, make eye contact, shake their hand, sit at a 45 degree angle to them, keep your body language open and see what happens.
MBWA is sometimes a well kept secret. Maybe it's time to bring it out.

Lip Sync Error for Continental/United

2010-11-29T07:31:00.000-08:00

CEO Jeff Smiseck of Continental/United Airlines appears to be true to his word to maintain Continental's high customer service standards in the wake of the merger with United. However, I fear that there may be an emotional disconnect with customers when viewing the "safety" film prior to take off. Mr. Smiseck's lips are not "synced" to the verbal message and therefore appears to be out of alignment. In other words, Mr. Smiseck is experiencing lip sync error, and, the people who made the film probably don't even know that it's happening. Not only is this annoying to the viewers, it causes a disconnect between the viewer and Mr. Smiseck. I doubt this is the "message" he or anyone else at Continental/United wants to send at this time. When lip sync errors occur, the film/speaker is not believe-able and the viewer is left with a negative perception of the speaker--Mr. Smiseck. Research into lip sync error by Byron Reeves and David Voelker in 1993 states: "The presence of audio-video asynchrony will cause material to be negatively evaluated and remembered well - perhaps the worst commercial outcome of a persuasive message." Continental/United are spending so much money to merge, why not spend some dollars to fix this lip sync error in order to send a congruent and positive message to travelers rather than creating negative perceptions.

Airplane Seats

2010-11-10T11:16:00.001-08:00

I just flew to Seattle yesterday and wasn't upgraded to first class. I'm platinum elite with Continental, soon to be United, and there was no room upfront. So I got stuck along with so many other souls in the cattle car section. With the merger, my platinum elite status (the second highest level as of January 2010--Presidential elite is the highest level now and by invitation only) will not mean much and it seems like the upgrades will be few and far between. For frequent fliers, this is a real "talking" and "complaining" point. I visited with a man who flew 171,000 miles per year and he was suggesting to Continental to give elite fliers more leg room and a free drink ticket. I told him that was fine but what about the 10 mile walk to the bathrooms and, of course, the lines. He didn't have a remedy for that concern. If Continental and United think that I am going to be happy with no upgrades as an elite flier, they've got another thing coming but then, do they really care? I am a small business person; I fly only 75,000 miles per year. And now that the merger is going through, my business is just a drop in the ocean to them. I feel like the blond guy in the picture. I guess things are always going to change and if I want to continue to be upgraded, I will have to fly 100,000 miles next year.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

2010-10-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

It's an old saying but so true! When I moved into my house, one side had a fence to separate the neighbor's yard from mine but the other side didn't. This was problematic because those neighbors let their dog outside without a leash and he would poop in my yard and they would not pick it up. I had mentioned this to them when I first moved in and was told that there were other dogs in the neighborhood who were let out without a leash and it wasn't their dog. Oh please. After awhile you get to know a dog's poop and I recognized the neighbor's dog poop.

Finally it got so bad that I emailed them and said that even though I allowed their dog to come into my yard (like I could have stopped it without a fence), I did not appreciate them letting their dog poop and then not clean it up. Their reply was gracious and said that it was unintentional.

Well, I finally put up a fence and guess what, no more neighbor dog poop in my yard.

People use space to send nonverbal messages. I had to put a fence to get the message across to keep their dog out of my yard. I love dogs but it's the people I have a problem with--especially when they don't clean up after their dog! When people do not respect your space (as in yard), they are essentially saying how they feel about you loud and clear. I got the message and responded with a fence. We learn how to set spatial boundaries from our parents, friends, etc. Some are taught to respect others property and some aren't. Either way, leaving dog poop in anyone's yard sends a disrespectful nonverbal message.

Hands Touching Mouth--a Bad Habit!

2010-10-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

I saw Mark Fuhrman on Oprah a week or so ago and was very impressed with his positioning, his comments, his analysis and his strong feelings. I believe he is a truly great detective! What I also noticed was some bad habits that he probably picked up during the OJ debacle and they are still with him even though he doesn't need to use them.

He uses his finger to make a point and this can feel threatening to the other person. Perhaps he did it to make a point but, come on, he was on Oprah!

He used a modified steeple very effectively and I felt myself leaning forward towards the TV as he did this because of his confidence.

However, when he kept putting his fingers to his mouth or over his mouth, I wondered what he was holding back or not telling us. Then there was his tongue in his cheek. I wonder what that was conveying-but I think I already know?

It is interesting that this man has made a tremendous name for himself through his tenacity and hard work and yet, he uses defensive gestures where he should be using very powerful and open gestures that bring people to him as a leader rather than creating a barrier from the people around him.

Watch the Telephone Repairman

2010-10-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

I just had the SuddenLink repair guy out to my house to install digital phone service. Unfortunately the job couldn't be done due to technical issues and those things happen. What was interesting was how much space this young man took up and the feelings I perceived from that "look." He was not overweight and wore a tool bag on each hip. When he was standing up telling me what was happening with the phone line installation, he put both hands on his hips (not in a confrontation position but in a relational position to me) and he appeared BIG! I felt comfortable with his knowledge, his explanation and his concerns. He was very methodical from what I saw him doing but it was his presence that really struck home to me.

When people take up more space in some one's perception, they are perceived as the more dominant. Men have been socialized this way since early childhood. Women are not socialized this way. They are taught to take up little space, be small, crouch down. Think of how girls in China many, many years ago had their feet bound which made them unable to walk. This might have been a sign of a privileged upper class but keeping women small goes way back in history.

Ladies, you don't have to gain weight to take up a lot of space. It's all in the eyes of the beholder. So use your arms, your height, your legs to take up more space and see if you don't turn more heads that view you as the dominant one.

The Rain in Spain--there is none!

2010-09-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

I just returned from Madrid, Spain where I attended a requisite residency for my PhD in psychology. It was in late August and it was hot but it was such a treat to see the sites that I was able to see and enjoy them with friends.
Madrid appeared to me to be similar to New York city where people are apartment dwellers and come out to the numerous parks and eateries to interact with friends, family, etc. We visited the King's Palace and there were beautiful parks around there along with fabulous places to eat.
What I noticed was even though residents lived in condos/apartments, they lived more fully outdoors in the parks. Whether sprawling in the sun while taking a nap, playing ball with their kids, sitting on the park benches and just observing, these seemed to be happy people. And their intercultural communication (body language) was generally very open. It was heart warming to see the number of people helping me learn new phrases to advance my limited bilingual abilities. Whether I was at the Prado, the Palace, Toledo or Florida Park, the warmth and generosity of the Madridians was evident. I highly recommend a visit. Caution: you might want to wait for a cooler month!

How Authentic Are You?

2010-08-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

As a leader, in what ever profession, how authentic are you? If you agree that you are authentic, how do you know? Is it your beliefs, your values, your vision, your mission? Could be but I believe it is how other people perceive you. That's what really counts. You can have the best mission, vision, values, etc, but if you can't express them in a credible way, what use are they? If this is the case, your authenticity goes the way of your credibility.

Image is a critical component of leadership but it's not just the suit, the power tie, the shoes or briefcase. It's the flesh and how it moves that really counts towards creating your authenticity.

If your body language does not complement your verbal message, you are sending out mixed or double messages and people are confused when they see/hear you. You can't be authentic because your aren't credible.

An authentic leader can persuade and influence others by creating congruence between their nonverbal and verbal communication. In other words, what someone says verbally is what their body language is also saying nonverbally. That's a goal worth going for but how many times does it miss the mark?

Have you ever seen a leader use defensive hand gestures? Sarah Palin points her finger at the audience or camera to make a point instead of using the index finger to thumb motion. Bill Clinton stands with his hands crossed over his chest with one hand covered by his arm and the other hand only showing the thumb. She's making her audience feel uncomfortable; he's telling us he's uncomfortable and is not willing to tell all. Tony Hayward was sailing on his yacht in a very open, comfortable position. What message do you think he was sending?

Leaders are always under the microscope. It's critical that every leader be aware of what their body is saying even when their mouth is not saying a word. If not, a mixed or double message is read by viewers and the credibility and authenticity of a leader is questioned.

Joe Meyer's License Plate Covers

2010-08-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

Every car dealership likes to put their branded license plate covers to secure the temporary license tag and then hopefully the official license plate of the new car owner. I saw something interesting driving down the road the other day. A Joe Meyer dealership license plate cover was installed upside down on a new car. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me in the car and I guess it's a good thing because taking a picture of this cover going 65mph might have caused a wreck! As I watched this car in front of me with a temporary tag and a license plate cover that was attached upside down, I wondered if this was a message from a disgruntled dealership employee, an honest mistake or a message from the new car owner? I guess I will never know. My first thought was that a disgruntled dealership employee put the cover on upside down. I wonder how many s/he did this way? I wonder if the owner of the dealership knows? I didn't call him. Is your license plate cover put on right side up? Upside down will definitely keep people wondering!

Sarah Palin Could Lose Some Votes

2010-08-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

In a time when politics is beginning to feel the uproar and uneasiness that the rest of the country has been feeling for the last 2 years, politicians must be aware of what their body is saying, even when their mouth is not. This hurt John McCain in the last Presidential election.
I watched Sarah Palin this morning on Fox News with Chris Wallace. Most of the time she was congruent with her body language. There were times when she began pointing with the index finger, to make a point. However, the viewers who were on the receiving end felt the pressure. To her credit she did use the finger to thumb gesture but when she was intense, body language be damned and she made the point verbally and emotionally with her index finger. Even a supporter might feel a little bruised with that pointing finger.
The biggest "leak" was when Chris mentioned that they (Sarah and Chris) enjoyed their little "banter." Not true. Sarah told everyone, non-verbally, that that was not the case.

11 Steps to Mastering Body Language

2010-07-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

Many people ask me how to learn to read body language and I always say "practice, practice, practice!" Practice watching the people around you, in your office, at the bank, the grocery store, etc. More importantly, watch yourself because your body language is always telling on you! I wonder if the women in this picture know what their body language is saying? What do you think?
Here are 11 steps to get you started on polishing up your body language for the cameras:
1. Observe your own body language. Is it saying what you want it to say?
2. Monitor your positive and defensive positions. Are these positions, whether positive or defensive saying what you want to say?
3. Set a goal regarding being congruent with your verbal and nonverbal communication.
4. Concentrate on a specific situation such as a sales call or presentation. Practice in front of a mirror your verbal and nonverbal message.
5. Observe exemplars in your workplace or elsewhere.
6. Consider alternative positions when you catch yourself in a defensive position. Is this position a habit or is this what you really feel?
7. Try out positive and defensive positions just to see what they feel like.
8. Watch your feelings because your body will be expressing those feelings.
9. Observe another person's response to your body language.
10. Get feedback from a safe source.
11. Reward yourself with an "at-a-girl or boy" because you deserve it!

Photo compliments of d & k photography. Visit them at http://www.dandkphotos.com/

What's Your Barrier Doing?

2010-06-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

I love to go to networking events and/or professional meetings and I speak at many of them. What many of us don't think about is what sort of barriers we are putting up between us and the people we want to meet, have a conversation with and perhaps a long term relationship--business or personal.
If that's your goal when attending any function, start thinking about what barriers you place between you and the other person because currently you probably are not even aware of doing it.
Is it crossed arms that are the barrier? Is is a glass of wine or beer that you're holding in front of you? Is it a stack of papers or purse? Or is it simply your hands clasped out in front of you?
Take a look at the picture. Where does your eye go to first? Perhaps the people's eyes but then where do your eyes go next? They will travel to the wine glass that is acting as a barrier. In fact, your eye may have looked at that to begin with. Why? Because when we see barriers, our prehistoric brain, the amygdala gets activated and is starts wondering whether we should freeze, run or get ready to fight! It's an evolutionary and psychological thing: we see barriers and we start looking for the smoking gun.
If you want people to feel good about approaching you; if you want to be approachable; if you want to feel more comfortable around people; if you want the competitive advantage, eliminate barriers.
You may say that you don't feel uncomfortable around other people but your body never lies.
Eliminate the barriers and see what happens. You might be surprised and, in your business, you might see some pleasant changes with clients and associates.
The photo: Compliments of "d & k Photography"
www.dandkphotos.com

Walgreens Forgot About First Impressions

2010-05-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

WOW! Just got back from picking up a prescription (RX) at Walgreens in Conroe, TX. The Pharmacy Tech was on the phone and I had to wait but that is not surprising (customer service is dead!) but what really made me feel uncomfortable was the lab coat the woman was wearing. It looked like it hadn't been washed in 3 weeks. Dirty, grimy, yuk! And, she was going to be touching my RX. It's funny that Walgreens has all the "hand sanitizers" out for everyone to use but they don't look at their Pharmacy department and what germs they are passing because of dirty lab coats. To add insult to injury, they are violating the first impression rule! Make a good impression within the first 3 seconds. You can't do that when you look like you just stopped washing dirty windows.
This is a manageable issue. Set a standard that Pharmacy techs come to work with clean lab coats/smocks or else they go home. Customer service may be dead but first impressions will never go away.
When I got home, I carefully took the RX out of the bag, gently took it out of the paper bag and threw that paper bag away and then washed my hands before putting the RX away.
I hope a million people read this blog and one of them is from Walgreens and sets a higher standard for pharmacy attire and first impressions.

Ladies, Tale Up More Space

2010-05-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Most women are taught at a young age not to take up a lot of space. For many women, the presence of other people in a room or near them sends their mind back to that early training so even if they were "lounging" around taking up a lot of space, when someone enters the room (particularly someone they don't know), they will revert back to taking up as little space as possible.
Ladies, it's time to shuck those old habits and replace them with new and more powerful habits that reflect your power, your position, your intention! To do that, begin by taking up more space everywhere! Now please keep in mind that I am not asking you to gain weight to take up more space. I am asking you to use your body language to present a visual of a strong powerful woman.
Instead of sitting with your legs crossed or with your ankles politely crossed and tucked under the chair, use the four corner position (see picture). Yes, you can't wear a dress with this position. Well, I guess you could do a Sharon Stone but in most cases, probably not! When you sit in this position, you will begin to notice that many men sit like this most of the time. They take up a lot of room! Mirror this position with a man and he will see you as more powerful, competent and credible! When you sit in your shrinking position, you appear small and helpless. Get rid of that notion that you need to be small and create a visual impression of your power.
Take up space and be the powerful woman you were meant to be!

A Chair Is A Barrier

2010-05-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

If you are teaching or training, standing behind/leaning on a chair is putting a barrier between you and your audience. People will be looking at the chair (watching your body language) rather than listening to what you say. This causes cognitive dissonance in many people and you lose the emotional connection you have with the audience. As a teacher/trainer, your job is to be the model, the way shower and standing behind or leaning on a chair doesn't position you as such.

Step out from behind the chair. If you must lean, lean on the lectern with one elbow. This makes you take up more space and adds a more powerful display to your presence.

Next time you're teaching or training, move closer to your audience members by removing any barriers to your connection with them and your positioning as a leader.

Leadership That Works

2010-04-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

As a leader, ever wonder why people back away from you? Is it what you said or is it what your body said? 9 times out of 10, it's what your body said that you didn't know it said!
When leaders achieve a certain high level position on the ladder of success, it's goes to their head and their body. In other words, they get a big head (huge ego)and so they don't seem so ego-centric, they let their body do the "telling" for them. It's a very covert/implicit way of spreading the message of "hey, look at me, I made it!" but it can do some damage to personal/business relationships.
I was in my bank waiting for some paperwork to be completed when a man walked in in jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap. The President of the bank saw him and walked out of his office to greet him. They shook hands and then the President grasped one arm behind his back and began rocking back and forth on his feet. The other man immediately began to back away as he read the non-verbal communication from the bank President that said, "I am superior to you!"
I don't know if he lost that customer but he certainly did nothing to retain the relationship with that customer.
It was interesting that as he walked back to his office, he had a perplexed look on his face. He hadn't seen what his body had been saying to his customer and so did not understand why the customer left.
Leaders must always be aware of not only what their mouth is saying but what their body is saying too because that's even more important!

It's My Back Again

2010-04-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

Last week the weather was beautiful and I was digging in the garden. It's my therapy and I do enjoy it. After a couple of hours of work, I stood up and felt something funny in my lower back. For those of you who have funny backs like mine, you know when it goes out and mine went out. Such pain and the muscles spasm immediately. I knew it would be a challenging weekend ahead.
Whenever I sat on my couch, my back ached so much that I knew I had to do something. Awhile ago, I told everyone about my evolution chair. It's a ball that I sit on at my desk and it has been so good for my back. As I sat on my couch to watch a movie and my back ached, the idea to get the evolution chair and bring it downstairs from my office to sit on while I watched TV popped into my head. So I brought it down, started sitting on it and after finishing the 3rd DVD of John Adams, I could feel a distinct relief in my back.
I don't know what the evolution chair does. All I know is that it works for me. If you have a challenged back and have not found relief, check this chair out. Google evolution chair and make sure it's the ball chair!

Justice Is Blind?

2010-04-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

Last week I did my civic duty and showed up for jury duty. As it happened, more people did not show up so it took 2 days to get enough jury candidates together for a murder trial and the voir dire. What was interesting was to watch the prosecuting and defense attorneys talk to each juror candidate--non-verbally. One defense lawyer was very obvious about which juror he was concerned. When a juror he thought would not help his case stood up and responded to a question, he would "flick" his finger. When someone stood up and he was not concerned, no finger flicking. The other defense lawyer was obvious with his facial expressions of disapproval of juror candidate comments. He said that he made those facial expressions in an attempt to hear what the person was saying. Oh Pleaseeeeeeeeee!

Lawyers do want jurors who will be sympathetic to their case and some do use jury consultants to help choose those jurors. However, it's time that lawyers begin looking at their own revealing body language. Jurors don't have to be body language experts to pick up on the uncertainties and emotions of the lawyers, it's right there in their body language.

The problem with lawyers today is that they must understand not only the jurors body language but their own body language if they want a vote by the jury that works for them.

Motivated But Miserable

2010-04-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

If you're going on a job interview, you may be motivated psychologically but physically your body is telling the truth about how you really feel!

I was talking to a friend at a networking event recently and he said he had a job interview after the breakfast. I asked him if he was excited because he didn't look excited and he said "oh yea, I'm excited." Could not have fooled me because his body language was telling on him.

He had no positive charge to his voice and his shoulders were slumping. He had gotten catchup on his tie and he hadn't even noticed. What kind of first impression was he going to make? The first impression is always critical in the job interview because people decide in less than 90 seconds if they are going to hire you. The same holds true for sales. If you don't make a great first impression in 90 seconds, it's going to be a long window to close the sale, if you do at all!

Make certain that what your mouth is saying is congruent with what your body is saying. If not, that job interview could be a train wreck waiting to happen.

And You Think You Have Stress

2010-03-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

Stress is every where these days. Just bring up the word healthcare and most of my friends go into a panic. Why? Because we are small business owners and are not interested in covering the costs for those who choose not to work! Plus mandated healthcare coverage could bankrupt many businesses. No doubt, these are sad times with those in favor of entitlement programs winning.

Stress can get to you and you will show it. First impressions mean a lot to people these days. In fact, we make a decision of whether or not we will do business with a person within the first 90 seconds. If stress is wearing on you and your customers and staff can see it, you need to take a break and if that is not possible--take your appearance into huge consideration.

We can't impact what is happening in Washington (although your vote can!) so in the meantime, make an impact on your customers and staff by being aware of how stress is impacting your body language. Are your shoulders slumping instead of up and back? Is your head hanging down instead of held high? Are your eyes downcast or are you making eye contact with friends, customers and staff? Are you holding onto yourself for dear life or standing/sitting in an open position that says "I am approachable"? Do you drag your feet or is there a bounce to your walk? Do you carry around a lot of unnecessary stuff or are you "stuff" free? Are your clothes crumpled, dirty and tired looking or are they fresh, ironed and business-like? Note I didn't say they had to be new! Are there 2 layers of pollen on your shoes or are they shined?

When you're stressed you might feel like skipping some of the essentials for attracting people to you. Don't make that mistake. If you look good and feel good, people will want to be around you and perhaps do business with you. Even if you are experiencing stress, acknowledge it and still do all you can to make sure the impression you create is the one you want your customers, friends and staff to see.

Red Lips vs. Pastel/Muted Lips

2010-03-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I certainly received a ground swell of responses from my tweet (lindasbodytalk) on women wearing muted or pastel colored lipstick to interviews rather than red. Regardless of how you feel about it or what industry you are in (some said that in the advertising industry, it was acceptable)people take note of color and respond to it. The colors you choose for your clothes, nails or lips all say something about you and they create an impression on the person you are meeting/interviewing in the first 30 seconds.

Remember a couple of years ago when Kyra Sedgwick's (The Closer) lipstick color changed from the red to the more neutral shade? Do you think it was due to the Color Institute saying that's not a cool color this year? No, it was the viewers that didn't like her in the color red she was wearing. She wasn't believable as the Top Female Cop!

Do you have to forsake red lipstick? Absolutely not! Wear it on that hot date but keep it under wraps for that job interview or client call. You want to be taken seriously just like Kyra as the Top Cop!

Look Into My Eyes or Else!

2010-03-12T05:35:00.000-08:00

Eye contact in business is a critical skill and most sales professionals have mastered this skill while on a sales call. However, it seems when a sales professional is making a presentation, the skill of eye contact becomes obsolete! Perhaps this is because making a presentation is different/more difficult than simply making a sales call. Regardless, unless you can maintain eye contact with your client(s) during a presentation, you could lose the sale.

If you are making a presentation to your sales team, eye contact is still necessary. You want them to "buy-into" what you are saying or asking them to do and that takes eye contact to convey sincerity, trust, credibility.

No eye contact with your client(s) makes them feel invisible and when they feel that way, they emotionally check out. They don't hear what you have to say and certainly won't buy into it!

When you make a presentation, it's not the product or brochure or power point slide you should be looking at, it's your client(s). Those other items will not make the connection as effectively as your eye contact.

Worry Is a Deal Killer in Sales

2010-03-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

There's an old Swedish proverb that says: Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
People pick up on worry quite easily. Although they may do it subconsciously, they still recognize when a sales professional is worried and this creates a lack of credibility for the sales professional. If this economy has gotten you down, don't let your concerns bleed into your client meetings. Watch your body language to make certain that your outward appearance is confident and assured. If you're not confident and assured, how will your clients feel about you?
Keep you hands away from your head and hair. Any time you are touching your head (whether you have hair or not)you are displaying some uncertainty and your client will pick up on it.
Men, stop jingling the change in your pockets. You probably don't even realize that you are doing it. On Wednesday I was speaking about body language for distributors at a tile manufacturer's sales meeting. One attendee told me about a Professor he had at college that walked around lecturing and jingling his change in his pocket at the same time. What a nuisance, distraction and disturbance!
Watch what your hands and fingers are doing. At a lunch break during this meeting, I watched a sales professional sit and twiddle his thumbs as he talked. Was I listening to him? No, I was watching his thumbs. Thumb twiddling is very distracting and it shows uncertainty.
You always have to watch your body language to make certain that your body language complements your verbal message. As I speak to more and more sales professionals and executives, I am getting the message out: your mouth may say something which may or may not be true but your body language never lies.

10 Reasons Why I Love to Read Body Language

2010-02-24T06:09:00.000-08:00

I get so many questions about why I like to read body language and so many comments that it must be an interesting thing to do that I decided to tell you all why I read body language. It all began many years ago when I heard a friend of mine talk about body language. I was mesmerized and since that day, I have been reading body language. When I began to think about why I love to read body language, I had so many so I had to cut them down to my top 10 and here they are:
1. I can see if there are any feelings/emotions between/among people simply by looking at their body language.
2. I can see what people are saying, even when they are not saying a word. This could be because they don't want to tell the truth about how they are feeling or they may not even be aware of how they are feeling!
3. I am trying to see if I have a better rate of catching liars than the professionals' rate (50%-60%) as noted in Ekman and others.
4. I can see how people are feeling about themselves even if they can't tell me.
5. I can see how I am feeling about myself--when I take the time to look.
6. I can see where people can improve their first impressions with other people.
7. I can see where people are creating incongruencies which creates big headaches in their business and personal life.
8. I can see if people are introverts or extroverts.
9. I can see how men and women communicate differently particularly when it comes to non-verbal communication.
10. I can see how con artists and scammers can take advantage of unsuspecting people.

Tiger Woods Apology Has Inconsistencies

2010-02-19T12:35:00.000-08:00

Just got finished watching the Tiger Woods apology and it was interesting. There was stuff Tiger was saying non-verbally and his Mom was also talking non-verbally!
He had good eye contact with his audience at the beginning but I am not convinced of the sincerity as he made better eye contact with the TV camera than his audience. This of course could also be explained by his initial nervousness. As the apology continued, he became more sincere in his eye contact with the people he had invited to hear his mea culpa. What was important was that when he did make good eye contact with the TV camera, it was about an apology to his fans, sponsors, parents and this was the right thing to do.
In a quick shot of his Mother and bless her heart, what a difficult thing to go through, she was sitting in a very defensive position with a frown on her face. Who wouldn't be? As the interview progressed, she relaxed and her position became more positive with her hands in the humility position and the frown was gone. Both women on either side of her remained in defensive positions.
Tiger used authority hands in stating his position that he would do everything necessary to protect his family and this was an important gesture to reinforce his words by showing congruence.
When he began saying that he was sorry, the words said one thing and his body said another as he shook his head from side to side (unknowingly disagreeing with his words). He also showed incongruence when talking about Elin deserving praise rather than blame-- his head shaking sideways again. Was this incongruence or incredulousness at the thought of blaming Elin?
I think he is sorry, I also think he has some issues to resolve around some aspects of this on-going drama in order for his body and his mouth to say the same thing.

Image and Leadership

2010-02-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

When a top executive is selecting key associates, there are only two qualities for which almost any price is worthwhile: taste and judgment. Almost anything else can be bought by the yard. -- John Gardner, writing about leadership.
Taste is about image and image is always a critical factor in business. If we cannot see some of ourselves in another, we don't want to do business with them nor associate with them. You wouldn't enter a store that did not appeal to your senses just as you would not accept a job at a business that did not appeal to your image. We are always looking for a reflection of who we believe we are in the people we work with and do business.
Clothes say a lot about a person's image and taste just as the words that come out of that person's mouth. But how often do you think about what your body language says to the other person? How often do you think about what your actions/in-actions say about you? People are always making judgments about others based more on their non-verbal communication rather than their verbal.
For example, I am a board member of our homeowners association. I took over a job from another member because this member "didn't have time this past month" to do the job that would benefit all the homeowners. It has left a lasting impression in my mind of this person. Keep this in mind: blaming and making excuses complement your body language. When you blame and make excuses for your inaction, you have just busted yourself! People can read you like a book!
Non-verbal communication has a huge impact on the people around you! Make sure you know what your body is saying that your mouth is not!

Change your Psychology, Change Your Biology

2010-02-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

My friend, Rosie, just had a bone marrow transplant and she is looking great. She was at a birthday party for a friend last night and I took this picture of her. She looks vibrant, happy and filled with life and love.She is in remission and cause for celebration. It does not surprise me that Rosie is doing well. She has a wonderful outlook on life, is very upbeat and has a small business where she creates one of a kind cards. In watching her body language, you don't see someone who is worried or moving into defensive positions. Rosie is open, positive and you can see this in all her movements and the pictures. God forbid that I should get sick but if it happened, I would want Rosie's outlook and her body language. Not only does she look great with her body language, her verbal communication says it too! She is congruent, she creates a special feeling about her and it is such a pleasure to be around her. I hope you have a Rosie in your life. She is a great role model.

Your Thumbs Say A Lot!

2010-01-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

Your thumbs do a lot of work for you. They can give someone a "thumbs up" signal;they can ask for a ride; they can point out a direction; they can black ball you, but have you ever thought about what they say about you?

That's right! Your thumbs say a lot to the people or person looking at you. For instance, when you put your thumbs into your pants pockets with your fingers curled into your hands, your body language is telling those around you that you aren't feeling very secure about yourself. This is a position that no leader should take and if a leader does assume this position, it portends bad news.

If you put your thumbs into your pants pockets with your fingers splayed out in front, you are pointing to your "attributes" and this is true for men as well as women. You are essentially asking people to look at your genitals. In a business setting, this posture is not appropriate although people make this gesture without really knowing what they are doing. If you are in a bar or at a party, this posture works fine as a message or advertisement.

Keep in mind, what you do at a party should really be different than what you do in a business setting.

Teaching handshakes

2010-01-18T05:27:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, Connie, told me a story last night that talks to our ability to help people in the business arena. Connie is not the type that sits back and let's people make a fool of themselves. She's there to help people regardless of their position or title or social standing. She is the modern day Super Woman who helps those in need. She told me about a fellow she used to work with at a car dealership. He was a sales person, she the dispatcher. When she first encountered him and shook his hand, she shuddered. Here was a man in sales and extended a weak, lifeless hand for a prospective customer or peer to shake.

Many people are offended when shaking this hand and Connie was not about to let this man lose business or customers around something that could be fixed quickly.

She got him off to a corner and told him that she thought they were good enough friends for her to tell him about the handshake. He agreed; she told him and they have been "fast" friends since that day and he went on to be a top sales performer at that particular car dealership.

Connie told me she did something similar with her grandson. One morning on the way to church, Connie asked her grandson to shake her hand and he did. For a young boy, it was a weak handshake and she coached him that morning till he had a strong, confident, proud handshake.

Who do you know that needs a lesson in a strong, firm, confident handshake? Research shows that women who have a strong handshake are perceived to be more business oriented than those who do not. If you know someone who needs some coaching, take them aside and help them but remember, do it for the right reasons: to help them and not embarrass them!

The Loss of Colt McCoy

2010-01-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

I kept thinking Colt McCoy would return to the National Championship game. Texas was playing really well. Alabama was looking really bad and then he got hit. Bummer! When he ran off the field without moving his right arm, I knew something was wrong. When they took him in for x-rays, I started to worry. When he came walking out of the x-rays with no smile on his face, I thought this might be a tease to give him a little more time before getting back into the game. As I walked the dog during the half, I kept thinking to myself, "he'll come back, he'll come back!" When I saw his father walk into the locker room with his hands in his pockets, I knew he was hiding something--fear, concern, upset? When they announced after the half that Colt was not coming back, I thought how said to end his college career on this note and I also said a prayer of gratitude that he played as well as he played for so long and that he would heal quickly. I, just like Colt, know he will play in another championship game. I also think that the concern or fear that his father showed going into the locker room was well founded and thank God for a parent who will stand up for his child and do what's best -- even if the child is a 20-somethingish adult. My heart goes out to the Colt McCoy, Mack Brown and all the Texas Longhorns. You played well and you honored us! Alabama may have the championship title but in our hearts, you beat them! Hook 'em Horns!

Funerals Make Me Cry

2010-01-03T12:46:00.001-08:00

A dear friend's wife made her transition on New Year's Eve. She had been sick for awhile and had put up a valiant fight. I attended the Memorial Service for her yesterday. It was a beautiful day, the flowers, pink and many of them roses, were lovely. Pink was her favorite color I found out from her friends. As I sat in my chair listening to the remembrances, through my tears, I couldn't help but look around and watch what people were doing. Many, male and female, were shedding tears along with me. Her husband kept nodding his head yes to every word said about her as if in a re-validation of the beauty, the wonder, the graciousness of his dear wife, now gone. I saw arms reach over shoulders to comfort another sitting next to them. I saw the passing of a kleenex for someone in need. I saw a gentle pat on the knee when the words of remembrance fell so close to home. A saw a daughter break down in tears and her father hold her close and kiss her head. I saw a naval officer in uniform press an index finger to an eye to stop a tear from falling. I saw two lovely granddaughters smile at granddad as they sang grandmother's favorite song one last time for her. I saw eyes looking to the heavens to ask a silent "why"?
As I left with tears in my eyes, I realized that even at memorials, so much more is said without words than can ever be said with them. Yes, the people, friends, who gave their remembrances of her had loving and caring words about her and I know they touched my heart but it was looking at the non-verbal messages that were conveyed during that service that really spoke to the love and caring these people had for Kitty and her husband. I know she is in a better place, free of pain and if she could speak to us, I think she would tell her family and those in attendance, "it was worth it, I loved every minute of it and thank you." God Bless You Kitty.

Your Body Says You're Lying

2009-12-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

I was watching a TV show where the father asked the son a question that he already knew the answer to and the son crossed his arms over his chest and told a lie. Yes, the boy's body told the truth even when his mouth did not. This is true everywhere. How many of you will get a Christmas present and when asked if you like it will look away, fidget with your pants and say that you love it. People pick up on this. If you are cornered by dear Aunt Jane who just gave you the biggest Yuk for a present and she wants to know if you like, have something ready to say so you don't hurt her feelings and also be aware of your body language so it doesn't give you away. Some people have told me that they think it's manipulation when you don't tell someone the truth--absolutely positively--regardless of how it makes them feel. Instead of getting defensive and displaying defensive behavior, say something like: Aunt Jane, you always give thoughtful presents and I am sure I will find a place for this (a use for this,etc). Then remember to keep your body language open and positive. Aunt Jane will appreciate it and you'll feel good, too!

Are You a Good Watcher?

2009-12-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

Forget the old adages about being a good listener. Today, to have the competitive advantage, you must be a good listener and a good watcher! Why? Because people say so much more with their non-verbal communication or body language than they do with their words. When you are listening to someone, you must also watch them carefully if you really want to know and understand what they are really saying. Head, body, hand, leg and arm gestures add a significant amount of information to any communication.
Most people don't think consciously about what their words and their body are saying at the same time. Usually it's not the same thing. Research tells us that when you see and hear a "mixed" message to put a question mark by what is being said and believe what the body language says!
Because people usually don't speak and act consciously, when you observe their body language, it's like their "real" or "true" or "unfiltered" thoughts which are usually quite revealing!
Listen and watch even more. Listening is good and you can ignore some parts of what people say but you should never ignore someone's body language.
Thanks to Dave Bamberg for the cartoon!

2009-12-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

Tim McGraw’s comment during a recent interview: “Sometimes you have to get uncomfortable to get better.” Not only is it true for a singer, it's true for anyone who wants to succeed. In business and in your personal life, part of success is communication and the biggest part of communication is body language. If you don't understand the nuances of body language, you don't have the competitive advantage and having the competitive advantage will usually put you in the winner's circle.
During one of my programs a garden center owner came up to me and said that she shifted from foot to foot and always kept her hands in her pockets. She said "that was just the way she stood." I told her that she could change if she wanted to and stand/act differently with customers. In fact, have a more open and positive relationship with customers because of her positive body language. She didn't know if she could change but we took a 30 minute break during the workshop and when she returned, she was a different woman--very positive body language. Tim's right! Sometimes you have to get uncomfortable, change a habit and then you will get better!

Dogs & Cats Understand Body Language

2009-11-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

My cat, Jackie, is 20 years old and doing great. She's a feisty little thing and takes no grief from Jackson, the dog. Jackson has been with us for 3.5 years. I picked him up off of Market Street in San Antonio when I was speaking at a convention there. From day one, Jackie has let Jackson know that she will not put up with any "play attempts" from him and it seems he has finally gotten the idea/picture. When we sit on the sofa at night to read a book or watch the TV, Jackie tolerates Jackson but she makes certain that her rear-end is always facing him. Some might say this is a protection position and it might be. I say it's body language at its finest! A cold shoulder or "rear-end" in this case always sends a message loudly and clearly.
If animals know this, why don't humans? At this time of year, there will be numerous Christmas and New Year's parties to attend, meet new people, renew old acquaintances and just have some fun. This year, when someone turns their back on you or gives you the cold shoulder, take the message and move on to someone who wants to spend quality time with you and don't take it personally. The person who gives you the cold shoulder does not have the words to say what needs to be said so s/he lets their body do the talking for them. Here's the interesting part, unlike Jackie, who is a wise old cat, most people don't even realize what their body is saying that their mouth is not! Merry Christmas!

When Hiring--Watch and Listen

2009-11-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

If you are hiring for a sales position, take the time to watch as well as listen to the applicant you are interviewing because what their body says is a lot more than what their mouth will say! Use your words to ask key questions and then watch and listen. Here are some good questions:
1. Who is your role model? Why?
If they give you a name but won't look you in the eye, the person they name is not their role model. This is pure deception on their part. If they give you a name but shake their head from side to side (as if saying "no") this is deception too.
2. Ask how they have delighted customers in past positions?
If they shrug their shoulders, customer care is not a top priority. If they keep looking to the left or right for an example, buyer beware. The same is true if they clench their fist.
3. Ask them to tell you a story about the best customer service they have received.
Did their eyes "light up" or was there a dullness to them? Did they smile while recounting their tale or not? Did they sit in an upright position with shoulders back or slumped in the chair?
4. Watch how they sit with you. In this picture, Sarah Palin is being interviewed and you can tell from the picture that the two in feel comfortable with each other by looking at how they cross their legs to form a circle. Also notice Sarah Palin's hands--in a modified steeple. She feels good about this interview.

What did you notice most about the applicant's body language? Was it positive or defensive. If you think you can retrain a person in the area of relationships, think again. You can always train for skills but not for humanity.

Make hiring a priority and make sure you include body language when considering a new hire.

Are You Conscious?

2009-11-09T05:09:00.000-08:00

You have to be conscious and then aware in order to make changes in how you communicate and relate with others. A recent CNN.com article said this:
“Studies show that moments of insight often arrive when you’re not aware that you’re thinking of the problem, such as during a warm shower or a long stroll. This is because insights are typically generated by a rush of high-frequency gamma-band neural activity in the brain’s right hemisphere, and a mind is better able to tune in to that hemisphere when it is stress-free.”
The trick is to catch yourself when you are going into stress so that you can remain conscious and be aware of what you are doing. Many of us eat unconsciously or smoke unconsciously and even talk unconsciously. Most certainly we relate to others unconsciously. It's what cognitive behaviorists call a pre-cognitive commitment or what I call a habit.
Next time you want to communicate or relate to someone, stay focused, keep breathing and make real time choices about what you want to say and how you want to relate. This will also work with eating and smoking.
And, thanks to David Bamberg for providing the cartoon to someone who is talking unconsciously.

Continental's CEO Says It Right!

2009-11-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

Larry Kellner, Continental's CEO, speaks to me before every flight I take. He's on the little screen telling me how young Continental's fleet of planes are; how the men and women of Continental are there to serve me and other things. This is his picture taken from the Continental flight magazine.
What I notice are his hands. He speaks to us/me in a positive and superior manner. His hands are steepling. Take a look at the video next time you are on a Continental flight. Steepling is when the hands come together almost like prayer or with just the fingertips touching. When someone is steepling, he or she feels confident and/or self-assured. When you want to persuade someone to do something or gain their confidence,this is not the best use of hand gestures. However, Larry Kellner is there to represent Continental and make certain that we are comfortable because he has confidence in his fleet and he shows us that with his hands.
Next time you catch a Continental flight(my choice of carriers) watch the video and see how you feel and if you agree with me.

Taking the Time to Discover Talent

2009-10-26T04:45:00.000-07:00

If you are interviewing someone at your business for any position, you have few clues about how they interact with other people. The better way to determine this is to see the person in action at their current place of business. I know that this is not always possible. However, when you can be the "fly on the wall" and see how the person acts in a "natural setting" then you have a true picture of how they will be at your business.
So take yourself out of your business once or twice a month and go shopping--not necessarily for things but for people. If you are in retail, shop other retailers and watch their staff. What did you notice about that person's body language, how they interacted with customers, what was their demeanor?
If you are looking for an administrative person, visit other offices and interact with them. Ask the same questions as in the above example.When you go on vacation watch the staff at the hotel. What is their body language saying? When you are at the grocery store, how approachable and helpful are the staff? If they are good, ask them why? Is it the training they receive with their current employer or something else? Watch their body language as they tell you.
Don't feel funny about doing this. It's about making hiring the right people for your business a huge priority and when you take the time to "shop" your hiring prospects, you bring passion to the process.
Remember, listen to what they say and watch what their body says. People always tell you more with their body language than with their words so start looking at everyone as a possible hire and make it a part of your business routine.

What Is the Governor Doing?

2009-10-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

This is one of the worst political pictures I have seen in a long time and it was on the front page of the Houston Chronicle. Gov. Rick Perry, Texas,has got a grip on Judge Eva Guzman that is so inappropriate even by Texas standards! He just appointed her to the Texas Supreme Court and his body language says "I am in control here." She is giving the Princess Diana look with her head tilted which shows friendliness but a little uncertainty. Why did she even let him put this control hug on her? Maybe they're friends, maybe they have know each other for years and years?? Doesn't matter, it still leaves a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Judge Guzman may be petite but don't try man-handling her. And, Judge, give up the Princess Diana look. You've got a big row to hoe and a helpless look does not support who you are. Be strong. As a role model, a lot of women are watching you and will mirror your movements, dress, speech. There's nothing wrong with a strong assertive women judge. We need more in Texas!

Machu Picchu At Last

2009-10-06T12:20:00.001-07:00

After 4 days of hiking and walking into the Sun Gate to get a glimpse of Machu Picchu on the last day, we could explore to our hearts content. I found myself picturing the Incas as they went about their daily routines. Was there laughter, was it quiet or what happened to make them leave? Yes, I know, the Spaniards. What was their body language? As I hiked the trail, when I did encounter some of the Incas coming down the trail, they usually averted their eyes. As the porters rushed past me to the next stop, they usually made eye contact but then quickly looked away. Was I that bold or was I the one being rude? Don't know. Our guide said they didn't make much eye contact.
What was fun was the pleasure I received when the other guides found out that I had walked the Inca Trail. They looked me in the eye and nodded their head in approval. In fact, every one down there has a certain respect for someone who hikes the Inca Trail.
It was a fabulous experience although I might not have thought that at the time. Now I do and whenever I think I can't do something, I think back to that experience and I say to myself "If I can hike the Inca Trail, I can do anything." And I believe it! If mountains can't stop me, no one can. Am I invincible? No and I do have a sense of accomplishment and "can do." I am not afraid of any challenges this economy might bring and my body language says so too!

Statistics Stinks or Are You Going to Let the Economy Get You Down?

2009-09-24T11:58:00.001-07:00

Yes, that's exactly how I feel about my Stats 1 class that is a required class for my PhD in psychology. The first week I thought I was doing everything right and my professor flunked me on my first assignment. After I got off the pity pot, I decided that I was bigger than a statistics course and I would overcome or die doing it. So I immersed myself, tried to get a study buddy, re-read and re-read the textbook and began calling my professor. I hated to bother him but he was the teacher and he was going to teach me. This week I have had 3 telephone calls with him in an attempt to enlighten me and I think it is working. My over all grade to date is now a B. (I want an A!)I didn't sit on my pity pot and I could have. What I did was get mad!
Remember that old saying (yes, I know I am dating myself) "I'm mad too, Eddy!" Well, that was a different time but same old story--an intrusive federal government. Don't agree? Well, what do you call legislated health care?
Back to my story. I got mad and I said to my cat, my dog and God, "I am not going to let this class get me off track. I will find a way to make an A. I will find a way to understand this." (published with permission)
How does this relate to the economy? Are you still sitting on your behind and complaining about the economy and using that old saying "I can't afford....." Well according to the law of attraction, you are just asking for more of the same old stuff.
So instead of saying, I can't because of the economy. . . . ., ask yourself what you have done to change your situation.

Alan Weiss, the Million Dollar Consultant (www.summitconsulting.com/), sent out this to his mentors:
"Here's what you should be doing in September when you're not on vacation or working with a client.
1. Assume the recession is going to turn around in early 2010 or sooner, and plan some aggressive marketing in preparation for it.
2. Determine if you're 'stuck' at a particular point in the business acquisition process, and do something about it: Read, use the Forum, listen, attend-do something to use your strengths to overcome the inertia.
3. Assess your reading habits. Are you regularly learning and gaining information useful to your business? If not, change how you read or what you read or both.
4. Call three past, inactive clients and suggest a meeting to talk about things you've learned and good ideas for the fourth quarter.
5. Draw the accelerant curve and ask yourself if you have offered enough diverse ways for a prospect to get involved with you, and if you have continuity through intimate, high-priced interventions.
6. Assess how much intellectual property you can add to your web site, blog, newsletter, collateral, speaking, and general conversation to make you more of a perceived thought leader and object of interest.
7. Make a list of what you're clearly doing better than last September, the same as last September, and not as well as last September. Be honest. That should tell you something."

If you're not taking action, you're not moving forward and you will not be able to recover as quickly as those who are moving into the storm. Start creating some synergy and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised!

The Sun Gate

2009-09-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the sign for the Sun Gate entrance into Machu Picchu. My body was talking to me, my legs were talking to me and I think everyone had the same BO problem since none of us had had a shower for 4 days. I thought the hike into the Sun Gate would be a piece of cake but not so! Those last 20-30 feet were incredible steps that I had to climb hand over fist. There was no body language going on except getting to the next step and ultimately to the Sun Gate. I think I was totally in shock when I arrived and had a peak at Machu Picchu. To this day, I am still amazed that I hiked mountains for 4 days to reach this destination. The important thing is that I did it. The other important thing: when you accomplish something like this, you don't care what anyone thinks of your body language! There was a certain respect from the guides at Machu Picchu for anyone who hiked the Inca Trail.

The Inca Tunnel

2009-09-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Walking along the trail, I was ahead of some of our group and behind the other two, so essentially I was alone on the trail and it was fascinating and beautiful. I never once felt fear of the unknown until I came upon the Inca Tunnel. I was walking in the clouds and it was a weird feeling but it was so peaceful and calm. I loved it. Because of the clouds, I was chilled so was walking with my hands in my pockets to warm them. Just as I came upon the tunnel, I stopped, looked around to see if anyone was near me to go through the tunnel with me (no one was) and then I experienced some apprehension. I wasn't worried about the "boogey man" I was worried about the little slithering creatures that might be resting in the cool, dark tunnel.
Here's where my hands quickly came out of my pockets and clutched at my throat and neck area. When I realized what my hands were doing, I realized how silly I must look. Here I was hiking the Andes and I was afraid of a small tunnel?
Thank goodness I have my body language to remind me about what's really going on with me! I put my hands down by my side and proceeded into the tunnel. Yes, I walked quickly through the tunnel and was not met by any unkind creatures and made it to the other side without any mishap.

A Cusco Hanshake

2009-09-07T07:41:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I talk a lot about the business handshake and why it is so important. I also talk about the dominant and inferior handshake so when I was in Cusco to begin my Inca Trail experience, I saw something interesting. During our orientation for hiking the Inca Trail (the next morning), our guide did not greet us with a handshake and my assumption is because we were a group of 7 women and Peru is still a very patriarchal environment. I did put out my hand once and he seemed "not to see" it so I knew this man did not feel comfortable shaking a woman's hand. As we hiked the trail, our guide encountered numerous other male guides along the trail at lunch and evening stops. During these encounters, he shook his friend's hand in a very robust manner. What was different about these handshakes from what I have observed in the US is that he brought his hand from his right side around to the front where as in the US, we bring our hand directly up from our side. I asked him about this but he didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. The handshake was firm, a single pump, so I assumed he and the others were visual learners.
When I travel outside the US, from now on, I will observe the handshakes of different countries to see if there are other variations.
Not only did I experience the adventure of hiking the Inca Trail into Machu Picchu but also made some body language observations as a scholar-practitioner. There were many good lessons on this trip!

Happy Is Harder

2009-09-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

A quote by Lawrence Mark, the producer of Julie & Julia, says that conflict is immediately captivating. Happy is harder.
Most people see their cup as half empty which gives them energy/drama. I like to see my cup as half full and that energizes me.
It's the old Joseph Campbell hero's journey. There is always a protagonist, an antagonist, barriers to deal with, obstacles to cross, resistance on the part of the protagonist and finally, surrender and triumph. That's the secret that makes the blockbuster movies big! Think Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. That's what the news media thinks people want to see and read day after day and it is, because that's what sells.
Why does it sell?
Because it creates feelings, intention and emotion. If you want pay back on a multi- million dollar movie, you need feelings, intentions and emotions on the screen to hook the viewer. If you are going to get the viewers to get the advertisers in order to pay the multi-million dollar salaries of the TV anchors, you need to create emotions with violence against children and seniors and happy just doesn't get it. What a sad state of affairs for our great nation and the world.
We are addicted to drama, death and much worse so happy has very little place in our world and our body language mirrors this back to us every day. It's so easy to lower your head, your eyes and droop your shoulders and complain about the economy, your job, your boss and feel vindicated. However, how much better would you feel if you were grateful for all of the above.
Yesterday, I had some gentlemen at my house working on my air conditioning system and one of them was working in the attic where it was quite warm! Remember, I live in Texas where it's still in the upper 80s to 90s during the day. As I commiserated with him about the heat in the attic and what a strong character he had to do this day after day, he made a remark that just stunned me and made me smile. He said: "yes it's hot up here but I love my job and I'm happy I have a job."
What would the world, your life be like if we were all happy for everything that was happening in our lives? Might be hard getting used to but I think we could do it!
Happy may be harder but maybe it's worth the effort!

Dead Woman's Pass on the Inca Trail

2009-08-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

The guide said that day 2 would be the most difficult day on the trail. After living through day 2, I disagree. Day 1 was my hardest. It was almost like I was doing interval training when I trained for the Houston Marathon and my body was not used to that! When I awoke on day 2, I didn't think anything could be worse than the day before and I was asking myself why on earth did I ever sign up for this trek. Must have been a weak moment.
As we began the hike, our guide pointed us in the right direction and I could see it was all uphill from there. With a heavy backpack, there's not much chance of assuming a defensive position. That would come this evening when I curled up in my sleeping bag as every muscle in my body sent me a non-verbal message.
As I began the trek up the mountain, I stopped about every 60 ft or so to catch my breath and then as the air thinned, as the steps became steeper, as we moved into the clouds and the rain forest, I began stopping every 30 feet or so to catch my breath. What an experience to feel like your lungs wanted to burst out of your chest. Now, remember, I ran and finished the Houston marathon so I know what it feels like to hit the 20 mile mark and that marathon was child's play compared to hiking up this mountain.
Yet, up and up I went, ever aware of how much closer I was getting and taking time to look back to see how far I had come! The river was a constant companion and I loved the sound of the fast flowing water. I could feel its chill waters even as I stood trying to catch my breath and sweating like a dog.
As I reached the top, 2 from our group had already made it and were resting in the light rain that was falling. As I rushed to put on my rain gear to keep from getting chilled, I looked back down the mountain and was amazed at my accomplishment. If I can climb that mountain, I can do anything! Cheering the rest of our group up the final steps was a thrill! If I could do it, I knew they could too!
All of a sudden this trek had gone from miserable to empowering! I had set a goal: climb to Dead Woman's Pass and I had achieved it! Goal setting has never been so easy! In the two weeks since I have been back home, when ever I feel frustrated about achieving a goal, I think back to the view from Dead Woman's Pass. Nothing is impossible to me anymore!

Conversations on the Inca Trail

2009-08-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

A 23 year old woman (Generation Y) was on the trek with us and the talking began! Gen Ys will not let anyone or anything interfere with their self-expression. Guess who started Facebook, etc. So this young woman was a perfect example of self-expression to the nth degree. At first, for this Baby Boomer, it was somewhat disconcerting to listen to this continuous banter but after awhile, it became amusing. As a writer, sometimes I don't have much to say, however, this Gen Y never missed a beat or should I say a word. Am I criticizing the Yers? No. I really did get a kick out of listening to her stories and if she got too far ahead of me or too far behind me, I missed listening to her. She comes from a Hollywood background and she regaled us with stories about some of the stars she had met at parties. But it was more than celebrity stories, it was about books she had just read, places she had just been, things she had just done and of course, there was no reverence for our guide. Vladamir became Vlady. She pushed every boundary in the book and as an observer, I had to admire her. What would my life be like if I had done the same?
One thing this experience with this Yer reconfirmed for me: we, as Baby Boomers, cannot expect the Gen Xers and Yers to go back to our time. It is incumbent upon us to reach up to their level--to see what they're seeing, to do "some" of the things they're doing and to accept them as free and beautiful spirits from whom we can learn.
I was blessed to have this Gen Y on the trek. I listened and learned and, of course, I had a lot of laughs, too!

Waking Up on the Inca Trail--Day 2

2009-08-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

Waking up halfway into the mountains is an incredible feeling. The air is fresh, the sky is clear but after the first day of trekking, my body language probably wasn't as positive as I would have wanted. Not everything hurt on my body but the legs and lower back were screaming at me! Stooping was a challenge and when I threw on the backpack, little tiny muscles in my back were talking back to me!
What you hear when camping out in the Andes is different than what you hear as a city dweller. A donkey walked by my tent sometime during the night. I didn't have the energy to get out of my sleeping bag and look. The rooster began crowing way before dawn. Obviously he wasn't on my daylight savings time. And then the dogs got into an argument during the night. For someone who slept like a log every night, on that first night, I heard a lot of new noises. At 6am the porters rapped on our tent and said, "tea, lady." And, the day began with a cup of hot cocoa tea for the altitude. Too bad it couldn't do something for the aching muscles in my poor body.

The Beginning of the Inca Trail

2009-08-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

After an hour and half bus ride to the start of the Inca Trail, I got my first good look at the porters who would be carrying 10lbs of my stuff plus all the other cooking equipment, food, tents, etc. These are not tall men in stature but certainly tall men in spirit as they carried these huge bundles up and down mountains for 5 days straight.
What was interesting is that these are also very shy men. They made very little eye contact with us whether in the camp or on the trail as they passed us. If I happened to catch their eye, they would immediately look away and unfortunately they spoke no English so I could not ask. As I sit here at my desk composing this blog, I'm thinking: why didn't I ask the guide?
Besides the limited eye contact, their body language was very open and positive. A cultural thing? I'd like to find out.
Either way, the porters were incredible men of all ages, extremely strong and very able workers. Can you believe most of them walked the trail in sandals? Our guide did tell us that this form of shoe was the most comfortable for them because they were used to walking in them and eschewed trail shoes, even though by law, their employer must provide them.
An incredible group of men I got to know and trust and admire.

After Hiking the Inca Trail

2009-08-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

Just got back from hiking the Inca Trail into Machu Picchu. It was really quite an experience to go through. The porters who carry 22 kilos of each trekkers "stuff" + the cooking utensils, food, tents, porta potty, etc are amazing! With their huge loads, they would walk past us on the trail up the mountain and run past us on the trail downhill. Our guide told us that they run downhill because it's easier! Not for me! Some of the steps were so high they almost reached my knee.
We began on Sunday, August 9th and entered the Sun Gate on August 12th. Incredible Inca ruins along the way and Machu Picchu was everything the pictures said it would be. The craftsmanship, the labor involved to build these cities-these were an amazing group of people. To think that they hand carved the steps I walked on for 45 km just boggles my mind!
I saw one woman on the trail walking with 2 walking sticks. She was bent over, going very slow and very determined. Later I learned she was 80 years old and hiking the trail. Wow! What a woman.
As I watched the people on the trail, there was a lot of positive body language: good eye contact, smiles, and words of encouragement, even if it was in a different language. When you are challenged by the Andes mountains, I don't think you have time to go into defensive body positions. You must stay open, alert to porters passing, slippery steps, step height and much more.
I learned to catch my breath by standing erect and putting my hands on my head instead of bending over with hands on knees. This open position felt good and it kept me looking up to the top of the mountain and the sky. I felt like it was opening me up to new possibilities as opposed to looking at the ground and wondering what was next.
On the way up to each peak, as I looked back from where we had begun the day,I was amazed at the distance I had walked and felt energized at my accomplishments.
Want to feel good about yourself? Hike the Inca Trail. Don't want to go that far? Just keep an eye on your body language as you create and obtain milestones in your work and in your personal life.

90 and Open to New Adventures

2009-08-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

My friend, Gene, just sent me a picture from her 90th Birthday Party! What a woman! She and I were neighbors when I lived in Houston just before moving to the lake. She is a delightful woman, warm, charming and caring. I feel blessed because she is in my life but also because she keeps me young! When I look at her picture, I feel her confidence, her openness, her balance, her grace, her wisdom. She is always on the go; always has company or is going to meet with someone; or to simply help someone out. When Hurricane Ike hit Houston last year, she didn't go over to her son's house, she stayed at her house--a very independent woman! I have to get up real early if I want to keep up with her.
When I turn 90, I want to be just like Gene!

The Stock Market Turtle

2009-08-03T13:30:00.001-07:00

May your troubles be less,
may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness
come through or go out your door!

Easier said than done in today’s economy, but you don’t have to push people, either physically or emotionally, away from you because you’re reacting to the stock market, the economy, etc. You can always spot the stock market turtle a mile off! When the market is up, his is up. Head erect, shoulders back, walking confidently or standing with feet in the “A” position with arms bent at a 90 degree angle holding a pen or cup. Then there’s the turtle when the market is down: feet dragging, head lowered, shoulders slumping, eyes always looking down. She has trained herself to react and assume positive or defensive body positions because of market events and it’s not healthy!
Every day you get to choose who you are going to be, regardless of what the stock market or economy is doing! You can do that in 2 different ways.
Change your psychology in order to change your physiology or body language. This is about changing your attitude and your beliefs. Do you get up every morning and say “Good Morning Lord!” or do you get up every morning and say, “Oh Lord, it’s morning.” When you start the morning with the former, you are programming your psychology to think positive and you set the tone for the rest of your day and your body language will show it.
Change your physiology in order to change your psychology. This is about positioning yourself in the power standing, as described above or power sitting position. It’s about smiling, skipping, singing a song or singing along with the radio. It’s about staying away from whiners and naggers and manipulators because everyone knows negative attitudes are contagious.
When you realize you have these choices to change your thoughts as well as your body language so that it works for you, happiness comes in and out your door!
Dave Bamberg created the "Stock Market Turtle" cartoon. If you are interested in having him create a cartoon for your business, contact him at 713-724-7519.

A Lesson from the Movie, Julie & Julia

2009-07-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

I saw the commercials on TV for Julie and Julia. A friend of mine gave me Julia Child's book, My Life in France, and it was delightful. I have vacationed several times in France and do love it there. Here is a quote regarding her journey to becoming a master chef:
"Of course, I made many boo-boos. At first this broke my heart, but then I came to understand that learning how to fix one's mistakes, or live with them, was an important part of becoming a cook."
Isn't that true for learning your 2nd language, body language? We all speak 2 languages (verbal and non-verbal) and they each have distinct functions. We continuously work on the verbal part but pay little attention to the non-verbal. Using our non-verbal communication is where we make most of our communication blunders and many times we don't even know that we have done it.
When you first learn about your body language and how to use it more effectively, you may make some mistakes and you may feel badly about it. However, just like Julia, you can fix those body language mistakes or live with them. It's about you being at choice. However, if your relationships are not what you want them to be, take a closer look at your body language because your body is always telling on you.

Eye Contact Makes You Feel Visible

2009-07-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that you feel uncomfortable until you make eye contact with someone? For those who don't make eye contact, it's a way to control people at work or in your personal life, to make your life less complicated if you are in retail sales and you have more customers in your store than you do staff, as a way for shy people to stay shy. Eye contact is a key part of body language and should be a valued skill in your relationship toolbox!
I visit the recycling center in Conroe about every two weeks to recycle paper, glass, plastic, aluminum, etc and the newspapers go into a small office building. A man sits behind a desk stacked with newspapers and removes the advertisements from the newsprint so they can be recycled separately. In the past, when I would walk in to deliver my papers, he would look up from his work and we would exchange greetings. Lately, he doesn't look up, even though I say hello, and so I leave just as quickly as I entered.
I wonder why he stopped saying hello? Is he tired of people interrupting his work? Is he feeling overwhelmed? Did the shy bug get him? Who knows?
All I know is that I am a customer and I would like to feel visible when I visit the recycling center. It seems everyone is talking about going green but at our recycling center, the customer, me, who brings her trash to be recycled is not acknowledged and made visible. What's wrong with this picture?

2009 National Speakers Association Convention

2009-07-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

Just returned from the National Speakers Association's 2009 Convention in Phoenix, AZ where I presented a program on body language secrets for speakers. My goal for this program was to help speakers, which would also include facilitators, trainers and consultants, understand the nuances of body language so that they would understand what their body was saying whenever they were in front of an audience. The biggest issue for speakers, particularly men, is "hands in the pockets."
As I observed main stage speakers, every single man put his hands in his pockets, except for Nando Parrado, author of Miracle in the Andes. Spending 72 days in sub-freezing weather on a mountain can do incredible things to a person. I believe it gave Nando an incredible presence in life, particularly his life and he displayed this on the platform. He was totally relaxed as far as his body language. He was either in the power standing position or his hands in the steepling position, both very powerful positions.
Even with the body language blunders on and off the platform, it was great to see old friends, meet new friends and learn a tremendous amount of new information. In the exhibit area, lots of good products and lots of exhibitors in the fig leaf position--male and female! They should have attended my session!
By the way, I am twittering during the week. Here is the link:
http://twitter.com/LindasBodyTalk
or you can just search for LindasBodyTalk

Are You a Good Boss?

2009-07-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

According to Dale Dauten who wrote the Gifted Boss, people want to work in organizations and for bosses who offer them a change and a chance to work for a company that recognizes, rewards, encourages and values people. If you, as the boss, aren't the exemplar for this with you body language, your business is not going to be perceived as a good place to work.
Many times when I am called in to consult with a company around morale issues or turn-over, the person who initiated the contact with me is usually the economic buyer and their comments are usually that it's about their staff or employees. Well, what if it's about the boss?
I've seen bosses complain about staff or employees in numerous situations. For example:
1. the boss complained that staff dressed down too much, yet he showed up each morning with his tie undone and hanging around his neck.
2. the boss complained that staff were always late, yet he showed up late each morning himself.
3. the boss complained that the women staff members wore too revealing of clothing, yet her skirt was so tight, you could see the panty line.
4. the boss complained that his staff did not communicate effectively, yet at each meeting, he sat with his arms crossed over his chest and had a frown on his face.
As the exemplar, your staff are watching you constantly for signals. Are they listening to you? Probably, but they are watching your body signals for the real message. If you're not taking into consideration the other language that you speak (body language) you could be missing the majority of your communication to your staff.
Observe yourself and make changes as necessary.

Can You Change Another?

2009-07-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

It' really difficult changing another person, either at home or at work. Gosh, I have a difficult time trying to change my dog's habits. People only change for their own self-interest. So unless they can see what's in it for them, they probably won't change.
When I am out walking Jackson, he likes to run ahead of me and sometimes disappears into a neighbors yard. Frightening for me because I don't want him to get hurt or poop in the neighbor's yard without me seeing it and picking it up. So I tried to figure out what to do to change this behavior. I do not hit or yell at my dog as punishment. So what I came up with, that I thought was impact him, was: when he didn't come when I called, when I finally caught up with him, I would tell him to sit, which he did and then I would hook up his leash and take him directly home. No eye contact, no words. When we got home, I would tell him "good boy", unleash him and then feed him.
Jackson is a smart dog and after a few times, he figured this out. If he didn't come when I called, no more free time outside smelling, leaving p-mails, etc. So now when I call, he comes.
What about at the office? I realize that you can't put a leash on a colleague and send him or her home so here's another suggestion: Use positive body language along with a verbal explanation. This way the message comes across both verbally and non-verbally. Will the person change? Who knows? How badly do they need the job?

Renorming: A Painful Proces

2009-07-09T07:03:00.000-07:00

I recently spoke to a group of people who are now emailing me and telling me that they observe everyone's body language, especially to whom they are talking. This is a great exercise in understanding what is really going on with the other person and to derive the truth from them using their non-verbal communication. My question to them: are you observing your own body language too?
When you observe your own body language, you might really be in for a surprise because you might find out that you have been saying so much more with your body language than you have with your verbal language.
I was working with a woman on her non-verbal communication and it was abundantly clear that she knew about body language but only as it pertained to other people. When we first met, she told me that she felt uncomfortable and that's why she had her arms crossed over her chest. I said that was OK. She then uncrossed her arms, laughed slightly and then crossed them again over her chest and kept them there till I asked her to notice where her arms were. She gave me a weird look until I pointed to her arms crossed over her chest. She practically jumped out of her seat uncrossing them. It was as if she didn't know where her arms were! (Some people are that much out of touch with their bodies!)
In fact, she didn't know where her arms were! Her defensive position of arm crossing had become such a habit that she did not notice her arms crossing automatically when she was with other people.
We worked on changing this habit through various awareness exercises. During this process, she became very frustrated. That is to be expected because changing habits is a painful process and it doesn't happen overnight. In fact, psychologists will tell you it takes between 21 and 30 days to change a habit. The key to changing to a new and different habit is to reach out to something better!
My client has reported back to me that her clients seem friendlier to her and she had made more sales in the last 30 days since we began working together than she has in the past 6 months.
Were her clients friendlier to her? I doubt it. I think she was friendlier to her clients, especially with her body language which led to more sales. My client realizes that her body is always talking and now she is observing it regularly to make certain it is saying what she wants it to say!

Happy? Your Body Will Tell You!

2009-07-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

10 years ago I would get on the bathroom scale after dieting for 2 weeks and the needle wouldn't budge from it's previous setting so I put on my old baggy shorts and tattered T-shirt and went to the store to buy some cookies and ice cream to comfort my sadness over not losing any weight. I parked, got out of the car, locked it and trudged into the store, head down, eyes lurking to each side in case someone was there that I knew and who might recognize me. I went into the store, picked out my cookies and cream and checked out all the while my eyes looking down in order to be as inconspicuous as possible. Trudged back to the car, got in, drove home and ate.
What a miserable life and my body language showed it!
Today, I get on the scale and as it registers my weight, I say to myself, "YES! I'm alive!" I get dressed in my walking shorts and shoes and take the dog out for a walk. As we walk, I look at the sun rising, see the birds flying over the lake, see the flowers blooming and say hello to all the cars that pass us on their way out of the subdivision on their way to work. I watch Jackson, my precious dog, run through the empty fields and chase squirrels (as if he would ever catch one) and chuckle to myself as I think how great my life is! my head is held high, my shoulders are back and I feel good. I am happy and my body is helping me feel happy!
I noticed that when I walked with my shoulders stooped, I felt bad. When I walk with my shoulders back, head held high, I feel good! Put a smile on my face and I feel like a million bucks.
What I have learned is that happiness is a belief that leads to an attitude and then your body displays that belief and attitude. When my body is displaying unhappiness, I ask myself, what belief and attitude is running now that makes my body act this way and how can I change it? What belief do I have to change in order to change this doggy downer attitude? When I examine my beliefs, I can make changes to my attitude and to my body language.
Whether you believe it or not, your body is always telling on you!

A New "Kinder" Chair

2009-06-30T14:26:00.001-07:00

I spoke at a dental conference last month and met a man who had an evolution chair. He was at the conference telling dentists and their staff about the benefits of this chair. It's a big ball on a stand (see picture) and it looks kind of funny but looks can be deceiving. I asked him about it and he told me all about it and I was intrigued.I told him that I had lower back pain and had spent lots of dollars on executive chairs that gave me a backache! He said, "with this chair, never again." He gave me his card, the evolution chair brochure and told me to call the company and get one. I did. I have been sitting on it for about a month now and it has changed my life--for the better. Jackie, the cat, my office mate now has taken onver the executive chair as her own. Fine with me because I have a kinder chair.
I don't stand up with stiffness and lower back pain. I am pain free because this chair forces me to sit properly! It forces my spine to position itself properly! Finally I can work all day and not be bummed out with a bad back when I go downstairs to play with the dog and the cat.
So how does this chair relate to body language? When you are working, if your back is hurting, you won't be working up to your maximum ability.When my back is hurting, I don't make the calls I need to make or do the writing I need to do. And, your physiology (pain)will change your psychology (bad mood or attitude). Is that what you want while you are working? Is that what you want when you arrive home to your spouse and kids? I don't think so.
I don't recommend products but I can tell you that this chair has changed my physiology and my psychology for the better. When you feel good, you can tell and the people around you can tell simply by reading your body language. When you feel bad, people pick up on that whether they are right in front of you or even on the phone. Don't let your physiology interfere with you business or personal life. Get a kinder chair like I did!

Do You Have a Trump In Your Deck?

2009-06-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

This morning did not start out right, however, it did get better. I am enrolled in a PhD program and have been doing great! However, this morning I saw that the professor had posted a "0" for a paper I submitted last week. I couldn't believe it because I had submitted that paper. I know the exact date I sent it in!
Needless to say, I went haywire and emailed my professor along with the paper and my excuses, apologies, etc. After that was done, I collapsed on my desk and began to cry. How could I be so stupid? How could I have failed myself in something that was so important to me?
As I kept my mind focused on how stupid I was and how terrible things were, I started making more mistakes. The cat and dog even exited the office space. Finally, I caught myself and realized what I was doing. My body language--shoulders stooped, my auditory digital (self-talk), my tone of voice in my emails were all doggy downers. No wonder things were going from bad to worse!
As soon as I became aware of what my body was saying, I said: Hold On! This dog ain't going to hunt!"
What I meant by that was I cannot remain in this doggy downer posture, I need to perk up and make things right again.
I did. I sat up, blew my nose, pushed my shoulders back, sat erect on my Evolution Chair and took some deep breaths. All the physical things were right now but the emotional stuff needed some work. A call to a friend helped with that when she said, "Linda, you need to allow more good things into your life and you need to allow it to come easier!"
WOW! What a wake-up call! As soon as we hung up, my mantra became "I allow things to come easily to me." I have been repeating that all day (now 2pm). I am feeling much better; I wrote 599 more pages on my 5th book; I listened to a webinar during lunch and am now writing this blog.
Every day gives me an opportunity to remember just how important body language is to my well-being both in my business and personal life. It's simply an ability to be aware of when I go into those defensive positions that block my flow of goodness coming to me and the sooner I become aware, the sooner I can change my body language and create a salutary effect. My body is always talking, sometimes I'm just not listening.
So the bottom line to this post: Do you have a trump in your deck? I do and it's called body language!

First Impressions Mean A Lot!

2009-06-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

I was speaking this week at a women's professional meeting and I watched as each attendee introduced herself. It was interesting to note the defensive positions many of them used as they rose from their chair to give a brief introduction. Then it was my turn to give my speech on woman and non-verbal communication blunders they make in the business world so I began with the introduction blunders that I saw just a few minutes earlier.
I won't go into the different types of blunders because I don't want to focus on those. I will tell you unequivocally that to make a great first impression, you must be in an open, positive body position! If not, your body sends out a message that your mouth nor your mind wants!
When you stand up to introduce yourself at a meeting, there are 2 positions you can assume:
1. The power standing position. In this position, you stand with your head erect (straight up and down), your shoulders back, your elbows bent at a 90 degree angle and your fee in an "A" position vs. an "H" position. Your hands can be holding one of your fingers, a pen/pencil but please no cups, brochures or paperwork.
2. The open standing position is similar to the power standing position in that you stand with your head erect (straight up and down), your shoulders back, you arms hanging loosely at your sides and your fee in an "A" position vs. an "H" position.
Remember what Erica Jong said, "If you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
Take a risk and try these positions out the next time you introduce yourself and see how powerful and positive you feel.

Lunch With the Gang

2009-06-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

I began talking to a guy in the security line at Providence airport last month on my way back from one of Alan Weiss's seminars. It had been 2 great days of illumination for me and I was jazzed as I got to the airport to board my Continental flight back to Houston. So to pass the time, I began talking to Kerry in the security line. I figured I couldn't get into too much trouble in the security line. And just coming from a marketing seminar, I asked him who he knew that I needed to know.
Well, his answer came today when I had lunch with 5 of his business associates. What a great networking opportunity and, if, we all aren't taking every opportunity to network, shame on us and don't blame the economy for your business decline!
What a great group--corporate refugees from Fortune 100 companies with a sense of humor that would bring tears to the eyes of any lone wolf such as myself.Not only did their humor impress me but their body language did too. You may not be able to judge a book by its cover but you can judge a person by his or her body language.
First of all, very open and positive sitting and standing positions. Good, firm, adult to adult handshake from folks with visual learning style. There were some authority and steepling hands and with their reputations and corporate histories, who could blame them!
There was some teasing going on so one person assumed the 4 corners sitting position with hands on leg, denoting a competitive attitude but that changed quickly to a more open sitting position when the conversation became more business focused. Obviously these people enjoy each other's company and enjoy "bouncing" off of each other in a fun way.
How did I leave the lunch? Energized, smiling. These guys are fun to be around and I suspect their clients think so too!

Honey Bees Do Not Understand Body Language

2009-06-08T14:06:00.001-07:00

Saturday morning around 6:15am I was biking with my dog, Jackson, when I saw Curly, my neighbor across the street walking towards me as I rounded the block to my house. I immediately saw the problem. He was being swarmed by 10-20 bees and was unable to get out of their way.
I immediately jumped off my bike and rushed over to him, grabbed his bee hat and began batting at the bees with the hat. I killed them as fast as I could and luckily I didn't get stung but poor Curly received a number of stings.
You have to understand that Curly is a "bee" man and didn't unfortunately run into a hive of bees. He has 2 hives in his backyard so he is very familiar with the ways of bees and has been for most of his life. He loves the bees, loves to feed them and give them room to grow. He also likes their honey as do many of his neighbors.
When I asked him why he got stung, he told me that his smoker had stopped working and a couple of bees had gotten under his hat and begun stinging him. Bless his heart!
He also told me that if you don't act panicky and flail your arms around wildly, like I was doing, they should calm down. Well, these bees didn't. They were stinging mad! Curly had done all the right body movements but the bees had not responded as he had anticipated.
Just as Curly found out that you can't be certain how a "wild" animal (bee) will respond to your body language, so too, you can't be certain how a human being will respond to your body language.
I have seen a woman at a bar with legs crossed, sitting at the end of the bar by herself. head down, eyes averted and making no eye contact and yet, some guy will go up to her and try to start up a conversation.
Body language says a lot about you, however, sometimes people, as well as bees, simply aren't looking and listening.

The Celebrity Cowboy Rides Again

2009-05-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

I took the time to watch the ACM award George Strait the Artist of the Decade Award last night because I am a huge George Strait fan. When I lived in Houston, I saw him at the rodeo every chance I got and loved every minute of it. Those artists who performed his songs aren't the only ones who know the words! I was singing along with the rest of the audience.
What a great artist and performer! I was so pleased that he was honored in that way!
What was interesting was to watch his body language through the show.
He has a great smile and has charmed many an audience with it. I know, I was there!
He sat in the 4 corner position, ankle of one leg on top of other knee. This shows that he feels good about himself. He's made his name and has nothing to regret! He's proud of his accomplishments. His wife, Norma, crossed her leg in the same direction that George did. This is not unusual for a husband and wife to do.
His handshakes were the adult to adult handshakes-on the ones I could see.
One interesting note was his left hand. He kept bringing it up to his chin during the performance of several of his songs. I was wondering if he was feeling uncertain about that artist and the song s/he was singing. It was like he couldn't decide. Near the end of the program when Garth Brooks presented him with the award, he told us that he didn't see how the artists could feel very comfortable singing another artist's song and said that he wouldn't. BINGO! Yes, body language is revealing and I was so pleased to hear George walk the talk. Every artist on stage said the same thing! A great artist who still has many more songs to sing!
I hope you got to watch the show! George Strait is #1 in my book--not because I'm from Texas but because he is the King!

How Does Body Language Help in the New Economy

2009-05-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

It has been estimated that approximately 50,000 people each year become blind. Only AIDS, cancer and speaking in public are feared more than blindness. We want to see what people are doing, not what they are saying! The news media, both print and electronic, has created this perceptual economy that we have been perceiving with our senses but, I believe, we are at a point where we want someone to "show us the money." In other words, don't keep telling us that the economy is bad and create a snowball effect. Give us some hard data. Nay sayers tell us that a 7% unemployment rate is terrible yet 5% is endemic to our country. That means that there's really only a 2% unemployment instead of this landslide of people out of work. If you are one of the ones out of work, it may seem like a landslide but it's not.

So how does body language help us in the new economy? It's time for face to face discussions with real people instead of on-line stores and computer voice operators taking the face out of one to one interactions. Will these go away? I doubt it. Will they change their ways? Could be!

I think in our heart of hearts, we want to do business with real human beings. We want to see their face, their movements, their positive and defensive positions. We want to hear a voice and make eye contact. We want to have a conversation about pros and cons. No, we don't want to be sold but we want to interact with people we respect. For me, it's difficult to respect a computer operator who keeps asking for my account number or telephone number but when I get a "live" person on the line, they don't have that number and I have to repeat it again. So I had been talking to a dumb computer or a computer which doesn't relay information?

Yes, I want to see the real person. I want to see what their body language is revealing about them. I want to see if you have a 2 day beard, or perhaps you're pregnant or even have a suit top that doesn't match the bottoms. This morning, I was in my bank and the young man who is the manager of this branch walked in with a suit coat that did not match the pants. I had to smile but did it diminish this man in my eyes? No. I enjoy seeing him and talking with him. I wonder if I dressed that way when I was his age? These interactions, whether with my bank manager or anyone else, are interesting to me because they create a relationship between us and that's what body language is all about--building the relationship. After the bank, I went to my local printer to order new letterhead. She had a wonderful dog who loves everyone who walks in the door. I love to see him there and if he's "out" for the moment, I am disappointed that I missed seeing him.

Business is all about relationships and in the new economy, it must be all about relationships and that is why body language is so important.

With all the "hoop de do" about the computer age and productivity, keep in mind that the spoken and unspoken word control communication, communication controls relationships and relationships control business. Want more business? Build more relationships!

Keep the Best Talent & Get Rid of the Rest

2009-05-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

A key thing to remember in any business today: customers don't have a relationship with the organization, they form relationships with people who work for the organization. The talent you want to keep are those passionate employees, whether in sales or service or administration, who show their support and passion to their customers.
Recently I went to the Fed Ex Kinkos in Conroe, TX to have some color copies made. When I walked in, I knew there would be a wait as there were 4 people in line in front of me with only one sales associate behind the counter. The sales associate looked up as I entered and told me it would be awhile before she could get to me. I nodded my head in agreement and was prepared to wait, considering her situation.
A minute or 2 later, another sales associate entered the building, went behind the counter and began a conversation with one of the repair technicians for a copier. I stood there and listened to them talk about their dates last night, breakfast and then I walked over and suggested she get to work as there were still 4 customers in front of me.
She picked up her purse, turned to me, put both hands on her hips (confrontational) and said: "Do you mind if I put up my purse first?"
She disappeared into the back room and I waited for 2 more minutes. She never came out and I left the store.
Will I go back to this Fed Ex Kinkos? No way! I want to deal with passionate employees who are concerned about helping me, not about their own imposition when I show up and want to make a purchase and use their body language to move me closer to a sale.

A Good Way to Start a Meeting

2009-04-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Alan Weiss, the million dollar consultant says that a good way to start a meeting is to ask: "what are we going to do to increase our value and improve our clients today?" or "how am I going to improve my personal and professional life today?"
These are two great questions because it begs to differ with how most managers begin meetings. Who said: "if you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same result"? Whoever said it was correct, in today's business world, we must do things differently, out of the ordinary and look to the end result of how our clients or how we will change for the better.
From my perspective, the easiest way to improve your positioning or the clients is to understand the nuances of body language--both your own and your client's. When you do, you can see what non-verbal messages you are sending to clients, peers, the boss, that stops or blocks what you want to achieve. When you understand what your client is saying to you non-verbally, you can see when they are distancing themselves from you and when they have given you the "ready to buy" signal! When you don't understand this aspect of the communication process, you keep shooting yourself in the foot and you don't even know why!
When you understand the nuances of body language, you increase your value to your client because you will know what's really going on with them, even if they haven't mentioned it. From there, your job is easier to get to the end result that both of you want because you know and understand what is being said verbally and what is not being said, which is even more important!
Improve your performance and the client's condition because you understand 100% of the communication process. If not, you will shoot yourself in the foot because your body language will always tell on you!

Are You the Bank Manager They Admire?

2009-04-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

Longfellow said that we judge ourselves based on what we feel capable of doing while others judge us by what we have already done.
The good news is that you can manage the process if you care to take a look at what you, as a bank manager or any other leader, are saying through your body language.
Recently I saw the manager of my bank come out of his office to talk to what appeared to be one of his customers. He approached the man and they shook hands. Then he put his hands behind his back and began tapping the back of one hand into the other palm. As I watched the interaction, I knew that the bank manager was positioning himself as superior to the "customer" with his hands behind the back. However, I wonder if he knew how he was shooting himself in the foot with his body language?
Whether he did or didn't, the customer did as I watched him slowly back away from the bank manager. I heard the customer say he had to go, shortly after the conversation began, and at that point, the bank manager removed his hands from behind his back and shook the man's hand again and then his hands came to rest at his side. Why didn't he keep them there while he was talking to a customer?
Customers pick up on defensive body language. Bank managers must always be aware of what they are saying non-verbally because your body language is always telling on you!

Believing the Media Hype Will Get You Down!

2009-04-09T05:17:00.000-07:00

Bob Minzesheimer, a USA Today reporter, interviewed Michael J. Fox about his book, Always Looking Up: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. He asked Fox for five specific things that make him optimistic. Read the third reason Fox gave.
"Public response to tough economic times. When things are tough, you can respond in one of two ways. You can ask for a lighter burden or for broader shoulders to absorb the added wight. I see a lot of people working on their shoulders."
So the question I want to ask is: are you working on your shoulders in order to keep your body language positive instead of moving into a defensive, protective position because of what you've been reading in the newspaper or listened to and seen on TV?
If you're stooped over in that "woe is me" look because you lost your job, maybe that wasn't the right job for you.
Do you think you will find a new one with those same stooped over, victim shoulders?
Do you think your retirement fund will get better if you play small by sitting around and complaining about the market?
Do you think you will be able to keep your home if you sit on the couch all day long without picking up the phone, talking the mortgage company or seeking other means of employment?
We let our bodies victimize us and it must stop and only you can do it!
Coming from a positive perspective, even when the market is down, you lost your job or your house, is the fastest way to get back on track and it's a choice you get to make every single day!
You see winning is a habit and so is whining! Once I figured that out, my life changes completely.
So now when I wake up in the morning, I say "good morning Lord!" instead of "oh Lord, it's morning."
My body language says "bring on the day, I'm ready and up for it." It's amazing how many good things happen to me when I'm coming from that perspective and looking for the good things because I feel good and my body supports that! But, it's a new habit I made to counteract the only "woe is me" habit.
I had my plumber come by yesterday to make certain the thermostat on my water heater was working properly. He had just installed it 2 months ago. When I asked him how things were going, he said he just got laid off from his day job and he had sold his plumbing business because he had had to pay Uncle Sam too much money in income taxes.
I said, "Well, consider the alternative." He just looked at me in a funny way. He is a tall slender, nice looking man but his body silently screams "poor me." And, what his body doesn't scream, he will tell you. So everything about him tells you he's a victim. I thought to myself, "who would want to hire him?" Maybe he should get a hold of Fox's book and read it a couple of times.

Are You Ready for the Invincible Summer?

2009-03-27T08:18:00.001-07:00

Albert Camus said: “in the depth of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
Yet how many of you are hiding in your business, just trying to stay afloat? Yes, we get into a comfortable rut and stay there all year long even as things change. Everyone is still telling me how bad the economy is. And, so they get more bad economy. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want—a bad economy, why not focus on what you do want?
Have you listed what you do want? Are you taking daily actions to make that happen? Many people get up every morning and say, “Oh Lord, it’s morning. Wonder if I’ll keep my job today.” Or they might say, “wonder if I’ll get any new customers today.” With ideas like that, you have just positioned yourself for a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad day!
When Carl Lewis, the great Olympic athlete was asked by a journalist if he was aware that scientists had proven that a man cannot long jump 30 yards. Carl replied that he didn’t think thoughts like that because thoughts like that had a tendency to go to his feet.
If you don’t see the invincible summer within you, negative thoughts will go to your body and your body language always tells on you! You will create what you don’t want and people will see it coming in your body language before you ever realize it!
I was talking to a sale professional last week who kept telling me how tough times were and how he wasn’t making his quota. I asked him if he had looked at himself in the mirror lately and he said “yes” this morning as he was shaving. I said, well, you must not have been looking at who I’m looking at now because you looked like a kicked dog! People don’t want to do business with a kicked dog.
At that moment, he looked up and said unbelievingly, “you’re kidding me.”
I said, “No I’m not. You look like you lost your best friend and your last dime. People don’t’ want to buy from losers, they want to buy from winners and you don’t look like a winner!”
All of a sudden, as if I had pushed a button, he straightened his shoulders, raised his head, put his hands on his thighs, a huge smile appeared from nowhere and a bright light began shining in his eyes.
He said, “Linda, you’re right. I have been acting like a kicked dog and it’s my own fault. I let the TV and the newspapers and my negative co-workers get to me. No more, I’m changing my act and taking it on the road.”
I said, “you go guy!” and off he went with a vision of his invincible summer!

During a Crisis, Do Something Different!

2009-03-12T10:00:00.001-07:00

Many people at my programs have told me how frightened they are of the economy and what’s to come and at the same time, a few are telling me what they are doing differently to ride out the economy and take their business to a different and higher level. So what’s the difference between the first and second group?
I believe there are two types of people in the world, in business today: winners or learners and whiners or begrudgers.
The winners are those out in the muddy alligator pit draining the swamp even though they are up to their yang-yang in alligators. They are learning as they grow. The whiners or begrudgers are on the sideline offering the winner their ideas on draining the swamp and out-gasing fear as they keep yelling, “watch out for that gator, watch out for that one.”
Don’t you hear that every day from whiners: “the economy is bad, I can’t get a new job, I can’t afford to go back to school, I’m too old to go back to school, this will never work, we tried that last time.” It’s a verbal barrage of doggy-downers. And, their body language just adds to the message, head down, shoulders slumped, head shaking negatively, finger pointing, sneering facial features, slow pace, hands in pocket. You can see this whiner a mile off! Don’t go near, whining is a contagious disease!
The winner is out going to business and personal development seminars. You can spot them a mile away. Head up and erect, shoulders back, arms swinging loosely at their side or comfortably hanging at their side. There’s a smile on their face and a gleam in their eye. They are out to conquer the world today! You can spot them a mile away, too! Why not go up and rub elbows with them! Winning is a contagious disease that you really want to have!
Even if, as a winner, you feel down and out one day. Get back on your horse and ride! Remember that a breakthrough always follows a break down. Winners know this, whiners keep forgetting it. Remember to watch not only what you say but also what your body language is saying for you. People watch what you do more than they listen to what you say! It’s just as important, if not more to keep this in mind because your body language is always telling on you!

Lie To Me

2009-03-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have had several people, just this week ask me if the television show, Lie To Me, is about reading the face and body and if what we are seeing is the truth. The answer is that it's based on Paul Ekman's facial recognition research and training programs and from what I have seen, from my own training, yes, it is true!
Dr. Ekman is a brilliant scholar and researcher who has devoted years to this topic and what a great validation to have the reality TV show exemplify his work. I have seen it once and loved trying to catch all the "moves" that the actors were talking about. It's not as easy as it looks and does take practice! However, if anyone is interested, it is doable! Google Paul Ekman for more information.
Bottom line: are we in the business community going to go to the extent that the show goes to in order to identify if a business partner, staffer or customer is telling a lie? I doubt it. We don't have the resources nor the time. However, there is an easier way!
Since research has told us to put a question mark by what is said and believe what you see, why not be the "exemplar" in your business for telling the truth. Telling the truth is a skill and can be learned. Then as you speak, you must remain "conscious" so you catch yourself if you begin to say one thing and believe something else.
Case in point from last week's show: during her testimony at the parole hearing when the widow of the officer who was shot and killed by the inmate said that she thought the inmate was rehabilitated and should be pardoned, she kept shaking her head in a "no" fashion. Now that was a no brainer to catch for me! Did you catch it? The point is, however, that there are times when you say one thing and your body language says another which indicates deception. Catch yourself doing this and change this pre-cognitive commitment and your relationships will improve.

Job Security

2009-02-28T06:43:00.000-08:00

I once read a quote and cannot remember who wrote it but it went like this, "the only job security you have is to be more talented tomorrow than you are today." Very true words especially in today's economy! Yet what are companies and individuals doing today? They are pulling back, running into their ruts, battening down the hatches and stopping all forward movement! They are just trying to survive and this is a move!
Yes, times are tough but employee development must continue. Of not, you are simply shooting yourself in the foot! If the company is to stay in business, the need for leadership is critical, especially during these difficult times, and keep in mind that leadership comes from employee development.
If you tell me that your company is not planning upcoming training/development programs for the rest of this year so there's nothing you can do, I will tell you: Not True! Now is the perfect time to improve your skills/talents/abilities so that you are more talented tomorrow than you are today!
If the company won't foot the bill for your development, do it for youself! When this recession ends, you will be way ahead of the pack because you have developed yourself!
Read a book each week on what you are passionate about. It could be your business, maybe not. But read.
Learn new skills by attending seminars in your hometown or webinars or teleseminars. Most of these are priced moderately and if you pick up one good idea, it was worth it!
Research topics of interest to you on the internet!
Find exemplars in your field and read about them! Find out what turns them on, how they achieved their success and what their thinking process was/is. Let your local librarian suggest a reading list.
Yes, things are kind of messy right now, but you can keep your head above the water by focusing on the big picture--what's going to be necessary to get ahead so you can be ahead of the game!

What Is Obama Hiding?

2009-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

Seeing Obama on TV makes us more nervous about the economy than we should be? Why? Because his body language is shouting, “I am hiding something!”
Does he even know this is the message he is conveying? I doubt it but it’s the message!

This is probably a mis-guided, unconscious gesture on his part and is speaking louder than any speech he is giving. What is the gesture? His hands in his pockets. Both hands in his pockets. Whenever someone puts his hands in his pockets, your eyes follow their hands because your prehistoric brain sees hidden hands and begins to go into fight or flight mode. In today’s economy, that means increased nervousness and anxiety!
He needs to take his hands out of his pockets so people can exhale and focus on the most dynamic part of his body, his face, his smile, his eyes. If he wants his ratings to decline, keep those hands in the pockets and the population will stay “on edge.”