South Carolina Presidential Debate

I watched the debate and it doesn't surprise me that CNN would focus on the personal attacks and mudslinging of each candidate rather than the issues. What I did think was interesting was the body language of the candidates. Similar to the Iowa debate, at the beginning of the program, all candidates stood with their arms at their sides. There were no "fig leaf" postures and what a relief that our eyes didn't have to travel from the candidates faces to their lower extremities! Also, no one had their hands in their pockets which would also have caused our eyes to travel south. Someone's hand or hands in his pockets makes you wonder what he is hiding. Although the candidates started out strong in this posture, Romney succombed as he was soon putting his left hand into his pocket as he responded to attacks from other candidates. Was he hiding something? Or was it uncertainty -- perhaps nerves at play and this was his body's emotional response to the aggression. Although Romney used authority hands, at times, it was the left hand in the pocket that gave his true feelings away.
Gingrich's red tie, although popular as a status symbol, was out of place on a debate because the eye went to the tie rather than staying on Gingrich's face. Perhaps this was the strategy; however, the most expressive part of the body is the face and if I were up on stage, I would want the audience looking at my face rather than my tie.
Paul has been finger pointing throughout the entire campaign. I felt poked in the eye again and again as he used his index finger to make a point. I am surprised his handlers haven't broken him of this habit.
Santorum used his hands in a community gesture which impelled me to lean forward as he was talking. He drew me into his response as he had no distractions and no leakage of defensive body language.
I felt uncomfortable with Romney, Gingrich and Paul because of their body language.  If I felt this way, I think subconsciously, that others did too. If one of these candidates wants to win, they must use their body language to complement their verbal message. Otherwise, they send a mixed message which is unsettling to viewers.

Subconsciously You Know Body Language!

We all read other people's body language--some just do it better than others. In fact, women are better decoders of body language but research by Burgoon and others has shown that they don't tend to act on their perceptions.
It's interesting how nonverbal communication plays out in our thoughts and actions. I received a Christmas card from Dave Bamberg, the Talleytoon cartoon creator (http://www.lindatalley.com/talley-toons/) and it was one of his Christmas cartoons. It was interesting to see how he had put Santa in a confrontational and authority position in the cartoon. I wonder if he thought about this as he was drawing the cartoon.
Santa is sitting directly across the table from 2 of his reindeer which is a confrontational position. Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. Can you guess who?
Santa is sitting in a high back chair, a status and power symbol. The chair has rollers on it--another high status and power symbol.
Santa is leaning forward and the admonished reindeer are leaning back.
It doesn't take much to read the nonverbal communication of this comical portrayal of the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer song.
Would Santa want to be seen in this position? Is Santa confrontational? Or is Santa simply using his nonverbal communication and power/status symbols to lead his team so they will lead his sleigh on Christmas Eve?
Dave takes the song to a new level by integrating every day business communication tactics with Christmas fantasy to come up with something that happens every day in business. People with power and people with little power will always be at odds. Thanks Dave for reminding us in a good natured way by using subtle body language in a Christmas card.

You Can't See Me!

A picture is worth a thousand words and Tom and Katie are sending a message loud and clear! They want to be invisible--maybe one more than the other. There's no eye contact with the photographer which says "Since I can't see you, you don't see me!" Tom has his left hand in his pocket which makes one wonder what he's hiding. He's holding Katie's hand with his hand forward which indicates who is in control which is natural as he's attempting to lead his lady past the press. He's not making eye contact because he doesn't want to be seen--he wants to remain invisible. He has a limited smile but it's not sincere. He' s saying "I'll give you a smile but it's not sincere."
Katie is interesting. She too is not making eye contact and her smile is not real. Who would want to give a genuine smile when someone is bugging the heck out of you? What's interesting is her purse hanging in front of her as a barrier. In order to get to Katie, you have to go through her purse. And what's even more interesting is that her right hand is in an open position rather than clutching the purse. In a way, Katie likes the attention and wants to be photographed but has a celebrity reputation to uphold.

Because I Read Body Language & You Do Too!

I flew back from Seattle last week and I had the isle seat and the man next me needed to get up and use the facilities. He didn't say a word but I knew because I read his body language. I watched him close his book; begin shifting around in his seat; look at me out of the corner of his eye; and shift his shoulders. I had to laugh internally as he could just as easily have said, "I need to get out" and I would have let him.

But you see, we notice another person's nonverbal communication before we notice the verbal and people tend to use nonverbal communication before they use verbal, as this man did. It really is a more effective way to communicate.

How many times do you read another person's body language and respond to that before the person says a word? My dog, Jackson, is really good about using his body language when he wants to go out. He sits right in front of me if I am on the sofa on right next to me if I am working at my desk and stares his beautiful blue eyes up at me till I respond and get up and let him out. I know what he wants! And, we know what people want when they send us nonverbal messages. People are just as smart as dogs when it comes to using nonverbal communication. It's the people who are viewing another person's nonverbal communication that might have difficulty interpreting it or even wanting to interpret it.

When my cat, Jackie, wants me to get up in the morning, she doesn't say a word. She sits right next to my pillow and watches me. She doesn't even have to purrrrrr--I can feel her presence and if I even open one eye to see if she's there, game goes to Jackie!

We all respond to nonverbal communication. Don't kid yourself into thinking that you don't. You do! Just ask your dog or cat.

The Millenaissance.com

Information, back in the 15th and 16th century, was hoarded. However, with the printing of the Guttenberg Bible, everything changed. Sound familiar? History does repeat itself. We are going through a millenaissance of our own. With the advent of the internet, information is readily available to anyone who can connect. To further the spread of information, to connect with peers and mentors, Dave Bamberg, the artist who creates the cartoons for the TalleyToons, has registered the Millenaissance.com and is creating a web site for creative people to connect globally. This web site will provide a way for those interested in connecting with others of like interest, motivation and innovation to create synergy, new information and products or services. The web site will be focused towards the creative and innovative individual or group who desires to share their ideas and work with those in their global community. If you are interested in participating, expressing your creativity to the world, call Dave at 713-724-7519 or email him at dave@davidbamberg.com. Stay tuned for more information.

Condescending Attitude

You can spot a condescending attitude a mile away! Not only can you recognize it in someone else but when it's directed at you--you can feel belittled and then defensive. Who wouldn't?
The problem is many people don't even know they are doing it--probably because they have been doing it for so long, it's become a habit for them. For others, they may not have been trained in social skills--empathy being one of them.
I was delivering some papers to a person who was seated at her desk. I said, "excuse me, I have these papers for you" and this person momentarily looked up and then looked back at what she was working on.
The hairs on my neck began to rise and I could feel my pulse increase. I said, "excuse me" with a little more intention and a lowered tone and she put her palm out to receive the papers. She did this without looking up.
This really made me mad. I could feel my blood pressure rising! But then I caught myself. I immediately re-evaluated the situation and said to myself:
"Just because she is being rude and condescending doesn't mean I have to play at her level."
I chose differently. I turned around to leave and wished her a good day. I caught her out of the corner of my eye as she looked up in shock that she wasn't able to suck me into her game.
I don't feel sorry for people like this. I feel sorry for the people who have to put up with her. I feel sorry for the organization that is being held hostage by her. I feel sorry for her family and friends who might see the good in her but only experience the bad/condescending behavior.
She has a bias and I won't attempt to change it; I will attempt to give her as much grief as I can by wishing her well and sending her silent prayers. To me, this is the best payback.

What Your Picture Says

I spoke at a conference recently and as I walked to the meeting room, my client, whom I had never met, recognized me and introduced herself. She told me that I looked just like my picture on my web site. I have heard from other clients that when they hire a speaker and the speaker shows up, the picture on the web site or on the brochure is quite different from the real person. I have several pictures of me on my web site which were taken within the last 2 years and I use one of these pictures on my linkedin, twitter and facebook pages.

How many people do you know who use an old picture that does not truly represent their current image? I know of several people who have pictures posted on facebook, twitter, linkedin that must have been taken years and years ago. Are they attempting to keep the younger version of themselves?

On facebook, some people have pictures with kids or spouse or dog. For a personal page, I like the personal aspect. If they are using the same picture on linkedin or twitter or a business page of facebook, I wonder about them.

That being said, Alan Weiss, a very successful OD consultant and internationally known as the Million Dollar Consultant, has a picture of his dog and himself. This guy has made it in terms of money, name and fame. For people like Alan, I think they can do or use any picture they want. They have a brand--they are the brand. For the rest of us, on the way up or unknown in our field, we might want to stick to what makes the great first impression on the client. Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan has written an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about how to use your profile picture on social media sites as a way to distinguish yourself, make an impression with a client and reinforce the brand called you. I've included the link.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203388804576613561719372694.html?KEYWORDS=The+Art+of+Online+Portraiture